First Thoughts – Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor

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When I first heard the news about Matt Smith leaving , I was a bit curious about who will take over the role as the Doctor. I thought that Matt Smith did a great job as the Doctor and had a good run. As for choosing who might be the 12th Doctor, I was wondering who might take over. When I was thinking who might be the right actor to be the next Doctor, I was already finding articles that Steven Moffat was wanting to cast a woman as the Doctor, being played by Lura Pulver, who played as Irene Adler from Sherlock. From what my brother heard from that, he said that Moffat asked his audience in a convention on what if he regenerated the Doctor into a woman, and everyone just shouted out NO!!!!!! I even thought that Idris Elba could have been a good choice as the next Doctor. After all, I thought that he was a talented English actor, and I don’t know too many English actors either.

But then when Peter Capaldi was revealed to be 12, I was pretty ignorant on who he is. Seeing how he was in The Fires of Pompeii and an episode of Torchwood (sorry, didn’t see a lot of that show, so I can’t list the episode), I was thinking about how interesting it is to see the show doing what they did with Colin Baker, who previously played as a Timelord soldier before he became the Doctor. I was told that Steven Moffat has his reasons for why he casted Capaldi as the Doctor, even after being on Fires of Pompeii, but I will save that for some other time.

Now that I have seen Deep Breath, I get to see Peter Capaldi in action, and to be honest, if he keeps up the performance that he delivered into this episode, then we might get one of the most serious Doctors that the show ever had. The other incarnation that many fans debated to be the most serious one was Jon Pertwee. If that’s how Capaldi will turn out, then it will be pretty ironic, since he appears to be a fan of the third Doctor, even for how identical his outfit is to Pertwee’s in his first season. Am I saying that’s a bad thing? NOPE! I really do like the direction that the show is taking this new incarnation of how they want to make him serious, unlike how 10 and 11 was. However, there are some funny moments within this Doctor, and for those of you who saw this episode, you might already know what those moments are. After all, Jon Pertwee did have his funny moments too, from disguising himself as a cleaning lady, to clinging on to a pair of shoes in a hospital bed.

Overall, I am looking forward to seeing how Peter Capaldi will turn out, as well as season 8, What do I think about the season premiere? I’ll save that for another time.

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Black Lagoon – The Unstoppable Chambermaid

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We finally wrap up the Roberta trilogy and end with a bang! Not literally, but we still get a great ending anyway. I am aware of the Roberta Blood Trial, but I haven’t seen it yet, but I will.  So, previously on Black Lagoon: Awesome, crazy stuff happened. Now, more awesome crazy stuff happens.

This episode starts off with Roberta going from just the Terminator to both the Terminator and the liquid cop as she climbs on the back of the car like in Terminator 2 with a huge knife with spikes on the hilt. Dutch tries to shoot her off of their car that Benny is driving, and Roberta open fires on the Lagoon Company with Garcia, which might be the strongest car ever build, since I don’t see any bullet holes on the car.

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See?

But yeah, this driving sequence is just too amazing to be in live action. I can’t ever see anyone else doing a better job than this.

As Benny drives the crew into a cargo area in the city, Roberta, for some reason, sees the Lovelce mansion in black and white, and then  it cuts away after a few seconds. If there was some meaning to it, then I didn’t get it. After that, we see the car crashed, and Roberta upside down on the side of a crate.         ……Where she leaves a huge dent on.

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Okay, now I really want to know if she was manufactured from Skynet. Not even Arnold Schwarzenegger was this strong!

Benny: What in the world is that woman made of?!

See? Even Benny questions her existence of being one of the world’s strongest people.

So, Revy finally wakes up, sees that Roberta is still alive, and finally starts the showdown that everyone was waiting for. Which is something that we can barely even see. Well, this still beats the action scenes in Monsters. Revy gets insulted by the fact that she gets shot on the right arm, which makes her want Roberta dead more than ever. Oh, and one of Roberta’s handguns was shot. But if she doesn’t care to the point that she tosses it away, then why should we?

iBUt this next part does bring up what I would like to introduce into my show:

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

If you can’t tell what this is from the title, then……um…..huh. Why don’t know what that means? Anyway, Revy sees a Forrest Gump feather land in front of her, as she is reminded of what could be the death of her parents, holding a small revolver. At this point, we are not sure of what really happened, but we will get to that someday.

After that quick flashback, we still get more gun fighting that we cannot see, as well as explosions that we cannot see.And judging by what happens, we see that they were able to bring down a crane.Yup. Garcia walks out of the car to cheer Roberta up, and also tells her not to lose to Revy. If she does, then he will send out the dogs, or the bees, or dogs with bees in their mouths, when they bark, they shoot bees from their mouths!

Balalaika finally shows up with Hotel Moscow to end the fight, as we see that she has captured the main villain of the story that we just forgot this whole entire time. Balalaika explains to Roberta that Hotel Moscow intended to start a war against the Manisarela cartel this whole time, again, was something that we, the audience, forgotten about till this point.And because of her victory against the Marisarela cartel, there is no reason for Revy and Roberta to fight anymore. What is also revealed to Garcia is that her other alias is “Bloodhound of Florencia.” Rosarita Cisneros. Balalaika also explains that she was trained in Cuba, was an assassin, a former F.A.R.C guerilla,  wanted internationally for murders and kidnappings, and is also considered to be a terrorist too. With all of that done in her life, its no wonder why she became a maid and turned her hair purple.  Since we will also start a new flashback sequence, I will not post that pictu again, since that will make this page look too silly, but this is already looking too still anyway. I still won’t re-post it! Roberta also tellsGarcia that sh was trained as a soldier to kill politicians, entrepreneurs, anti-revolutionists, election management members, and killing women and children. She eventually stopped when she found out that she was helping out a mafia that owned and raised cocaine fields. She got out of the military by the help of her dead father’s friend, who happens to be Garcia’s father, Diego Lovelace.

Garcia has heard enough, cries about it, and tells her to go home together. However, Revy is not pleased with the ending that Garcia wants, still mad about the bullet wound on her shoulder (sorry that I said arm earlier), and Dutch agrees to the point that there should be a fist fight! Which Garcia also wants to see. Yes, I will show you the fight scene

While rewatching this scene on Youtube in English Dub, and NOT on Hulu, since that site doesn’t have more than 4 episodes on English Dub yet, for some reason, I went to check if the voice of Garcia was done by Cathy Weseluck, the voice of Chiaotzu from Dragon Ball Z, Cybersix from…   well, Cybersix, and Spike from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Yes, there are episodes that I do have in mind to review in that show. Mostly from season 3.

Garcia and Roberta finally goes home, happy ending for them, and Rock couldn’t help, but notice that the men from Hotel Moscow looks like soldiers. Benny closes this episode off as he tells Rock that Balalaika and Hotel Moscow were sort of like paratroopers fighting in  Afghanistan in what I believe was the 80s. He even tells Rock that they have enough training skills to take over World War 3.

If you think that this is the best of the show, believe me, you haven’t seen anything yet. I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Black Lagoon is a great amount of fun, shows a great amount of fun, and these three episodes proves all of those points from beginning to end. Roberta was cool enough to have 5 more episodes of her, and I will see them, which might be a review one of these days. Overall, I am eternally happy to give these episodes:

5/5!

Join me next time as I dwell into the next blog that I intended to review on an episode of The Outer Limits.

Black Lagoon – Maid to Kill

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I’m sorry for being gone for too long, but don’t worry, I’m back again! I was going through some technical difficulties, but I’m here to continue with the Roberta trilogy in this show.

Roberta is in a shootout in a bar, using her umbrella as a shotgun and her briefcase as a machine gun, and says a creed to the Lovelace family. Not only does that happen, but the Lagoon company and Garcia just so happens to walk in. You know, some of you would think that taking a kid into a bar is illegal, but you should remember two things about this scenario:

  1. The Lagoon Company doesn’t care (even with Revi around)
  2. Some countries doesn’t care the slightest about having kids in bars.

If some of you did not believe a single word I say, even after explaining to you what this show is like, or you just can’t help but wonder how this scene would go, I can help you with that.

If you think that is as great as this show will ever get, then hold on to ya peeps butts, because this ride is going to get bigger and better!

Garcia is just shocked and amazed that Roberta can actually do such things, so as kill people maliciously and chaotically. Kid, if I were you, I would think that having a maid like this, who was trained in an army and hides grenades in her outfit would be awesome to have. That’s like being terrified that your butler turned out to be John Rambo. I can imagine that as a kid, having a burglar break into my house, finding my butler, and asking “who are you?” and my butler would just say “your worst nightmare!” Shoots like crazy with a machine gun, and then screams with the gun shooting in the air. Best. Childhood. Memory. I. Wish. I. Could. Of. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Revy gets knocked out, the bar blows up, and Rock takes Garcia with the Lagoon Company. Rock doubts that Roberta is dead, and actually feels that she is walking out of the fire, like she’s the Terminator. Even Rock tries to compare her with the Terminator too, saying she’s like a killer robot from the future in a movie, but without Arnold Schwarzenegger According to what goes on in this three parter, she might be better than the Terminator, if you can believe that. I mean, she doesn’t die. After all, there is a sequel to this show, or season, (sometimes I can’t tell with anime) called Roberta’s Blood Trail, which I have not seen yet. She’s as close to being an unstoppable force! Well, actually, there is one other towards the end, but we’ll get to that.

This doesn’t go too well for Balalaika when she discovers that Roberta was once called “Bloodhound” and that she is extremely dangerous. This makes her bring out her soldiers from the Russian Mafia out into what she could consider to be warfare.

Anyway, Dutch tries to take the crew to the Lagoon, as they see that they are being chased by Roberta in probably the best car chase I have, by far, seen. This is saying a lot for me, since I have seen car chase scenes from Bullet, Gone in 60 Seconds, and Deathproof. You have the usual gun ho action driving, raming cars into each other, waking Revy up, and grabbing Dutch’s arm without any hesitation. And just when you thought the insanity behind this woman couldn’t have elevated enough for you, she somehow managed to drive a car on top of what appears to be a couple of buildings that are probably 4 stories high and tries to dive right on top of their car! And then, if you think that Rock’s comparison to her as the Terminator was an over-exaggeration, Roberta pulls out a huge knife, with spikes on the hilt, and thrusts it on the trunk of the car. So this episode ends with Garcia trying to stop Dutch from shooting her. Will he do it, even though you might predict that he won’t? Find out next time! Hopefully, I will get the next review done soon.

Black Lagoon – Rasta Blasta

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For those of you who have actually been reading my previous written reviews, you have noticed that a majority so far have been comedies, as well as some references to the sci-fi genre (also counting Doctor Who). However, I did not intended that my review site would be leaning too much on comedy. So don’t think that I’m some expert on sitcoms. I only watch them. Plus, the original idea for today’s review was going to be on an episode of the Outer Limits, but I stopped myself because I wanted to do something different. If I did, then the next post I had in plan was a review of an episode of the original Star Trek series. In other words, I’m trying to avoid being the next SF Debris. If you don’t know who that is, and you are a big sci-fi fan, then you need to check him out, or otherwise your life will never be completed. Now that I got that out of the way, we are jumping into the first anime review for the site: Black Lagoon!

That’s right, my first anime review for Rerunagade Reviews is the nutz, but awesome anime series that is about modern day pirates from the south China Seas! If no one has seen the show yet, let me give you a rundown on what the show is about (skip paragraph if you have seen Black Lagoon). Black Lagoon is about a Japanese citizen named Rokuro Okajima, whose name you will forget because the crew gave him “Rock” as his new nick name. Yeah, I had to go on Wikipedia to figure out his name. He was a businessman in a boring life before he was captured by the Lagoon Company, and now he’s taking shipments from a shipping company, getting the usual safe, child friendly stuff. Oh, you know, AK-47, RPGs, Desert Eagles, safe for the whole family! The Lagoon Company crew has the African American captain, Dutch, a college dropout, Benny, and the toughest, roughest, craziest and crankiest member of them all, Revy. The Lagoon Company goes on in dangerous adventures around the south China Sea, and a lot of times, it gets insane in gun fights, treasure hunts from Nazis (which I might cover one day), and just throw in anything else. I’m sure they’ve done that (not aliens, though. This isn’t sci-fi). And before I forget, the theme song to this show is awesome too!

Our story begins with Rock getting a shipment order of weapons and finds out that one of their orders is a kid (yes, it’s a human being, not a gun). Rock brings the kid in, and Dutch has Revy try to feed and get him to talk. Dutch, the man who is well known for settling a problem in the crew, is actually allowing Revy, the angriest woman in the crew, to being around a kid. He might as well have Napoleon Bonaparte tend a busy nursery all alone in a church. Obviously, it doesn’t work out when the kid throws food at Revy, which made Dutch turn on his brain by having Rock watch over him. The kid also throws food at Rock, but he sees that Rock is nothing like Revy and starts to open up a little bit about himself.

The kid says that his name is Garcia Lovelace, who is part of one of the great thirteen families of South America, and is trying to get away from a mafia, because that appears to be the only threat any criminal from South America can come up.  The mafia threatened Garcia’s dad to move out because geologist found out that lanthanides could be found in his plantation. From what I have researched, lanthanides is not that rare anymore, but this was all in 2006, so maybe it was still rare at this time. Or maybe the mafia thought it was easier to get rid of the Lovelace family. Rock doesn’t believe him and says that the Lovelace family is one of the lowest house of the thirteen families, but Garcia says it’s trying it’s hardest to keep up from it’s troubles, even after how the mafia wants him. Even I wouldn’t blame him. I just had an 8 year old german kid telling me that his father turned himself into a zombie by accident when he thought he found out the cure to AIDS. Garcia also tried to explain to Rock what he knows about lanthanides, but that wasn’t enough. Rock then asks him about a dog that the Lovelace owns, and surprise-surprise, he gets it right.

Revi decides to turn the kid in to the mafia, because doing so would profit them. But Rock tries to convince the crew that the cartel was lying about Garcia all along. Rock says this because he knows a lot about rocks and minerals, which explains why he asked Garcia on what he knows about lanthanides. Plus, with Garcia knowing a lot about the Lovelace family, he was then convinced about his story. This leads Dutch into figuring out more details about the Manisarera Cartel (which is the cartel who is after Garcia), as well as the Lovelace family by asking their Russian mafia lord herself, Balalaika. Rock also mentions that Garcia is waiting for his housemaid to come see him too.

The housemaid’s name is Roberta, who is dressed like a average housemaid, with a long skirt (don’t apply your dirty mind with the other housemaid dress), but also wears a big golden cross, big round sunglasses, and purple hair on a Latin American woman, because……..anime. That’s why! She too is trying to find Garcia. Garcia says that she is not very good at doing chores or cleaning, meaning that if she can’t heat up just one hot pocket, then she pretty much sucks at her job. The one thing that Garcia tries to put a huge emphasis on is the fact that she is very  strong. And Revi laughs, or course. You see, that’s the annoying thing about kids and those who surrounds them. They say things that might be true and hard to believe that makes adults think they should be on Kids say the Dumbest Things. Or maybe they might get smacked on the face for thinking that they’re making things up.

His only story to back up Roberta being super strong is the day when the mafia came to his house, and both Garcia and Roberta were arm wrestling. But when she sensed the mafia entering into his mansion, her arm wouldn’t budge for even a fraction. And then we get to see her break a mug in a bar just by squeezing the handle, meaning that the mafia has found her. And she knew this by sensing them. Is she Spiderman? Whatever. Balalaika discovers that Roberta is a soldier, just by looking at her eyes through her glasses, because I think she has the ability to see through the animation of reflection when she’s around. But this episode ends with the Lagoon entering into the bar, and Roberta shooting a shotgun shell with Pinguin’s umbrella gun.

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(you cannot tell mean that this image is not awesome!)

This three parter  will be continued with Maid to Kill.

Coming soon: Kaiju Vu

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I have decided to delay the remake reaping part and jump ahead into my newest installment of my site. Kaiju Vu is my new review segment that I have made up that will deal with giant monster movies! This will not involve with tv shows, since that’s what Rerunagade is for. My first movie that I have chosen will be Gojira (Godzilla), just to test the waters at how I will do. Some of you who reads this might be thinking that this has anything to do with the newest Godzilla movie that is coming out soon. Kaiju Vu has nothing to do with the movie that will soon be released from now, but it did inspire me of doing movie reviews of one of my favorite genres in the film industry. I don’t know when I will start releasing my first review of Gojira, but it’s going to happen!

Rosanne – Heart and Soul

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It took me some time to recover from my hatred from that other show that must never be mentioned again, but now I’m up and ready for another review! This one is going to be an interesting post for me to put on my site as I review an episode of Rosanne called Heart and Soul. My reasoning behind reviewing this is because this episode, believe it or not, had something to do with Doctor Who. Back in 1989, Doctor Who was cancelled. Many Whovians were hoping for years to come that the show might come back again. Luckily, Fox gave the okay  for a TV movie to be made as a pilot for Doctor Who. Three problems on why it failed:

  1. The scheduling was terrible. I have heard some people who wanted to watch  the movie ended up not watching it because Fox didn’t do a good job. Either that, or Fox didn’t care at all for the movie.
  2. The ratings for Rosanne: Heart and Soul crushed the TV movie.
  3. Most people who have seen the Doctor Who TV movie are very negative towards it, saying it contradicted itself and it had cheesy performances. According to the score on Rotten Tomatoes, even though the critics have said nothing about the movie, there is a 48% from the audience.

Both the Doctor Who TV movie and Rosanne were aired at the same night. Both were obviously different from each other, but only one became dominant. When I first saw the Doctor Who TV movie, I kind of saw where the hatred came from. But overall, I really liked the TV movie. The movie was able to give Sylvester McCoy his departure (even though it was pretty cruel), Paul McGann was great as the Doctor in the movie, and this movie revealed what is arguably the best TARDIS interior the show has ever had!

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Personally, this is my favorite TARDIS interior!

Even my brother, who does not care for watching the Classic Who series likes this movie and says that he is happy to see this film being part of the timeline.

When I first heard that Heart and Soul beat the TV movie in ratings, I was very curious at first. I wanted to know whether or not if this episode was better than the Doctor Who TV movie. But when I first heard about this episode, I didn’t know the title. As a matter in fact, not that many people who talk about this episode knows the title. Many people just call Heart and Soul “Dan’s Heart Attack”episode. Even the former Doctor Who Magazine assistant editor and writer, Scott Gray, calls it that when he was writing on his reflections on the 8th Doctor Who comic issue of “Prisoners of Time.” For the longest time, until a couple of weeks ago, I finally know what this episode is called.

As for my thoughts on Rosanne. I have seen this here and there as a kid when my mom watched it, but I never put any thought into watching  it for my leisure. Even when it first aired on Nick @ Nite in the 2000s, I still watched it here and there. So, no. I was never a fan of the show, but I did manage to find some funny moments in Rosanne. But just recently, I finally came back into this show just to watch this episode and find out if Heart and Soul was better than the TV movie pilot.

Just to fill in some back story, this episode starts right after Darline’s wedding episode (which I might cover in the future) marrying David Healy, played by John Galecki.

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Wow. Talk about before and after.

On the end of the episode, Dan starts to get a heart attack, even after the whole episode of him having medical issues that he didn’t reveal to anyone. Now that I have that covered, I can finally lead you into today’s episode.

It starts off with the Conner family and David rushing into the hospital where Dan was taken into, and Rosanne was asked what happened. Rosanne knew nothing at this moment while being concerned, worried, and just confused as she still can’t believe that Dan is in the hospital in a serious situation. If there is something that I should note right away, it’s that Rosanne Arnold is not well known for being subtle in anything that she’s been in. Shes more OUT THERE and LOUD, as well as being kind of crazy. She’s more of a comedic actress, and these are something that everyone is fixated upon when it comes to Rosanne. However, in this episode, she’s more subtle than anything I have ever seen her in. It almost feels like an alien nation to me. I will get more into this subject later on.

Rosanne finally gets to speak with Dan for a few moments, telling what happened, such as playing around with the ambulance siren, and bringing DJ in to say that he saved Dan’s life. Rosanne tells Dan that his heart attack was minor, but from looking at the machinery, he thinks it’s worse that minor. Rosanne decides to stay in the hospital overnight, tells the whole family to go back home, and get rid of the food that was left in the reception, because if there is one thing that we don’t ever want, it’s leftover food that can feed at least more than half an orphanage!

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And the rest of the children who survived the famine that day were eaten by the two cows.

DJ couldn’t bring himself to go home, so he stayed in the hospital. Because of Dan’s heart attack, Darline and David cancelled their honeymoon, and have to live in the Conner’s basement, says Rosanne. Growing up, I never thought that Darline was funny. I used to think that she was kind of blah to me. But now that I have grown up, I kind of understand her dead-pan sense of humor. Her husband, David, on the other hand, never stood out to me. But I didn’t see that much from him. So at this moment, I can only say little about him until I see more of him to make up my definitive opinion about him. What’s that? you want to know what I think about John Galecki in The Big Bang Theory? Oh, HAHAHAHA!!! -I have no idea what you’re talking about. Becky was a character you would either have the hots for, or someone you would love to hate. She irritated me as a kid, and I don’t see any reason to change my mind today. For years, and years, and years I have wonder why they switched actresses for Becky. From what I have found out about it, Becky went to college in the 5th season, being Lecey Goranson’s last episode. At least it was suppose to be. The producers felt that they wanted to bring Becky back into the show, but Goranson was unavailable to play the role. Because of this reason, they chose Sarah Chalke to fill in the role from season 6 to 7. Lecey Goranson was finally free to come back as Becky in season 8, but there were moments where the show kept going back and forth with both Goranson and Chalke to play the role. In the final season, the show called it quits on this idea and had Chalke as Becky. Believe me, the show itself was aware of this problem too.

 

I kind of like DJ. He’s fun. Yeah, that’s all I have to say about that.

After Rosanne talks about the 96 elections, being entertained by Bush senior losing the election, Dan asks her to leave the room as he asks God to just bring him out of his condition. Rosanne also chit-chats with God to out of the pain she’s going through, blames Him, but then realizes that it was her and her family’s fault for feeding Dan unhealthy food. This may seem cliche, but this moment does shed the best performances between John Goodman and Rosanne Barr. I am aware that John Goodman has done some serious roles, and they might be really good. This moment proves to me that he can deliver a really good, dramatic performance. The same can be said for Rosanne Barr. I have never in my life seen her perform like this before, but I’m glad that I can see a side of her that I have never seen. I am now convinced that she can be a really good actress, and I have seen other episodes where she can still deliver.

And then we get to the fun part of the episode, because you have to remember that this is still a sitcom. Plus, this scene works out really well.

I truly believe that this is the highlight of the episode. The humor is spot on, it’s very positive compared to the rest of the episode, and it’s something that I can remember this episode for. Even on the last minute of this episode, Dan tells Rosanne that he has never cheated on her before and tried to tell “just in case…”, but she stops him before he finishes. Rosanne tells Dan that the moment he started to have a heart attack was the first time in 25 years that she has felt helpless. And then, the episode just ends like that.

Now that I have finally watched Heart and Soul, I can safely state my opinion on which one I like better, between this and the Doctor Who TV movie. Well, the TV movie does have some things in it that I did not like, such as Chang Yee. I thought the movie could have done better without him. I didn’t like how they killed off McCoy in this. I just thought it looked incredibly cruel. But the rest of the negatives are just minor nip picks to me which makes it really hard for me to not like the movie as a whole. Heart and Soul, on the other hand, I can’t find a single thing to complain about. I thought this episode was really good. If this episode was aired a day before or after the Doctor Who TV movie, then yeah. I wouldn’t try to say that Heart and Soul is better. If you guys have not seen the Doctor Who TV movie, go on Amazon or Ebay and buy the movie. If you are not fully sure if you want to buy the movie, go on Youtube and watch the movie. Believe me, it’s not a bad movie. I love it, and I can watch it any day. Heart and Soul is also a must see as well for those of you who are not into Rosanne. Like I said, I’m not a fan, but maybe I will cover another episode in the future. As for now, I will give my score for this episode:

 

4/5

 

Personally, I could have given it a 5/5, if I was a fan. What’s next? I don’t know.

High School USA! – Sexting

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Whenever people bring up what they hate in life, they would sometimes make a scene about it. Sometimes, it doesn’t look like a big deal in front of your eyes, making you wonder why it makes him/her so mad. And sometimes, they have every right to be angry about it to express their hatred. A lot of those times is because some people do it when they are in their character (Nostalgia Critic, Cinema Snob, Angry Video Game Nerd, etc.). I have had those moments, and I will admit that I have gone overboard without thinking. There hasn’t been a single thing in my past that I have thrown a fit about on what I hate that hurt me before. But in this case, High School USA! has hurt me to the point that I will never see this show again.

If you want to talk about a show that is, not only garbage, but also an entire landfill that is so big that it can be it’s own nation, High School USA! would be the name of it. Just seeing how outrageously foul this show is trying to be by trying to make fun of the current generation of high school students (which I would love to do) is all ruined in this show. The characters are irritating and hard to sit through, the written dialog would make Adult Swim blush, and the animation is kind of questionable for me, but I will get to that in a sec. I have seen so much shows in the past that I consider to be bad, like Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show, but High School USA! makes me want to watch them again.

Just in case a lot of you guys who are reading this are safely living under a rock not knowing what High School USA! is, then feel greatfull that you made this far without not knowing what this show is. If you are still living on this beautiful green and blue planet and have never seen a single second of this show, then you are a survivor. But unfortunately, I need to explain what this show is. In the fall of 2013, Fox now made a late night block that is kind of like their own version of Adult Swim for those who can’t afford cable. This was called Fox ADHD. If that sounds familiar to you, look up Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles. Some people like those videos, but I don’t really care for them. Fox ADHD’s first show that they aired was Axe Cop. I didn’t find it funny, which disappointed me. I don’t think it’s bad, but I don’t think its good either. I just don’t see enough material for me to watch some more or do a review of it.

As for High School USA!, there was a lot for me to hate from the first episode that I saw. Sexting. If you think that the title automatically means sexual masterbation from phones, oh believe me. You’re pretty wrong about that. This episode starts off with 5 of the main characters in a diner called “Le American Diner”, for some reason. The main characters are

Marsh

Marsh, the lead of the show,

Amber

Amber, the worst irritating blonde of all time (and yes, I will elaborate further with this),

 

Cass

Amber,

Brad

Brent,

Blackie

and Blackstein. No, I did not make that name up to make fun of him. Blackstein is a real name. However, I felt as if this show wanted to use that name to make fun of this character. I can’t prove it, but that’s what this whole character feels like to me, from his race, to him being a stereotypical dork. And by the way, he’s being played by Nathan Barnatt. The man who I used to like, until he kind of gave up the whole Keith Apacary craze, and stayed  with making, well…….something that is not Keith Apacary. Wish he went back to doing Keith Apacary videos.

So, Amber is getting ready for one of their old friends, Brent, who is coming back as a student in High School USA. Amber only has one problem: she has never seen his penis, and doesn’t believe that they exist, but she still wants to see one. Now you know what this episode is about. And then we get the opening title screen, showing me the creator of the show, Dino Stamatopoulos. Dino Stamatopoulos is the writer of MADTv, Community, and for several late night talk show host, such as David Letterman and Conan O’Brien. Not only that, but according to IMDb, he also wrote for 7 episodes of Mr. Show, which I have seen almost one episode, and I thought that what I saw was hilarous!

Yes, you did see both Bob Odenkirk and David Cross. Always wondered what they were both doing before Arrested Development and Breaking Bad? Wonder no more.

By the way, before I go any further, when I first went into this show I went with an open mind, not knowing what this show was going to be about. I only saw this just because I saw that this was playing after Ax Cop and see what kind of shows ADHD was going to air, wondering if this was going to be like Adult Swim or not. Plus, I don’t care for Adult Swim anymore. So keep that in mind as you read my pain and anguish.

After the intro is done, we get to my point of  what I said about Amber being the worst irritating blonde ever. Amber’s character is this same blonde stereotype mentality, who dresses in pink, sleeps in a room full of pink, and speaks in the same kind of lingo that almost every blonde stereotype that you have ever seen, with “whatever” or “like, totally!” The scene after the credits shows Amber having a conversation with her mom. This scene alone sums up what I hate about her, and worse yet, her mother talking exactly like Amber. Amber’s mom is dressed up like her, acts just like her, and thinks just like her too.

Amber's_mom

And Amber’s mom approves of her seeing Brent’s willy. This is making both Rose and Jackie Tyler from Doctor who look likable. No one is suppose to make me say or think that. Thank you very much High School USA! I hope you are happy to make the impossible possible. Now I can no longer think that Rose Tyler is the worst thing in the entire world!

Amber and Cassandra both have a conversation in the restroom stall of all places to talk about Brent. Why in the restroom stall? I don’t know. The rest of the girls are talking about a subject that is relatable in the restroom. All Cassandra is doing is using the toilet, which Amber can do the same thing in the other stall. Amber doesn’t want Cassandra to show anyone else about the penis, just to have her study it. Yeah, I don’t get it at all. Not only that, but do these two think that these restroom stalls are sound proof? I would be amazed if they are. I say that because there are two other women right outside in front of the sinks. The other two are talking about penises, and because Cassandra is through with people just hearing about penises sizes, she told them to take pictures of them and send them. And she did just that. So every girl in the school sees this, and Amber does not like this for one bit. But everyone else starts to see Brent’s penis, including the lunch ladies, which should get their attention to tell to the principal so he can figure out who took and send the picture to.

Marsh thinks a solution up to save Brent’s life, and this is where I think is the greatest low of the show. His plan is to have every male high school student to take cell phone pictures of their penises, and send them to the girls. I did a research on Jonathan Goldwater, the creator of Archie comics, just because I wanted to see if he had anything to do with this show or if he said anything about High School USA! My reason is because the most commented thing about High School USA! is how this show is suppose to be a spoof of Archie. I never read a single Archie comic before in my entire life, nor do I find any interest. But I have found no comments from Goldwater about this show. However, if this is really suppose to be a direct spoof of Archie, then I can safely say that I am looking forward to the other horrible spoof movies that are coming out this year, because this moment that Marsh just showed me will make me want to watch A Haunted House 2. Just the fact that he wants Brent to stop feeling humiliated by telling all the guys in the men’s locker room to show all the girls their family jewels makes all of the Scary Movie movies watchable. I feel very stupid not to figure out that this is a spoof of Archie, but being done in the most disgusting and immature way possible.

Amazingly enough, the reality that this world lives in has no shame or morality as every guy in the locker room accept’s Marsh’s plan to take pictures of their penises. I could make some comical suggestions out of sarcasm on what they would rather do at this point, but I don’t want to give them any ideas. Plus, from what I just seen, they would do it, blindly and willingly. But in the next day, Cassandra says that after she has seen the massive amount of wood that was posted and sent to her, she said that she feels like she should call the police. She said that with concern and shock. Remember, this is coming from the same girl who started all of this. Marsh is the only one who hasn’t taken a picture of his penis, only because he can’t get it rock solid. Blackstein thought this was just to make Brent’s penis not look ugly by comparison, not make it uglier than everyone else, but nobody acknowledges it. Marsh does manage to get a metal rod on the end with having both Cassandra and Amber in the same car together. The two girls helped gave Marsh an erection by getting along with each other. Remember boys and girls, if you experience something wrong in your chonies, that’s probably because your mom is finally getting along with her sister-in-law! I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

So, this whole episode ends with Marsh’s penis being sent to everyone else in their school, hoping that this would bring the whole justice department to turn High School USA! into one big prison. And all of the pictures gave Brent dick cancer, causing him to die, according to Blackstein. This ending made this whole episode pointless, wasted my time, and ends with all of the pictures being posted and censored on the credits. They all look like rejected Tetris pieces.

And that was High School USA! It felt like I watched a tragedy before my eyes! I know that these episodes only last for less than 15 minutes, but they feel like a full 30 minutes. This show, created by the same guy who writes for both Lettermen and O’Brien, is not only the worst thing I have ever seen from him, but THE WORST TV SHOW I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! It was a hard watch, it had no redeemable moments, and not one joke made me laugh. I find this whole reality impossible for me to accept as a spoof, since there doesn’t seem to be a right or a wrong. It made me feel unclean just watching it, as well as being embarrassed watching it alone. I’m glad that this was the last time I will ever watch High School USA!, and I will move on to reviewing something else.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot my score.

0/5