Now that Steven Moffat is finally going to end his reign of terror- I mean his run on Doctor Who, the next man who will be in charge of being the new show runner is Chris Chibnall. Chris Chibnall is the writer of Broadchurch and……….oddly enough, Gracepoint, which was the American version, that also starred David Tennant, but that time starred Skylar White as the female protagonist. Whatever. The female protagonist in Broadchurch was in both Doctor Who and Hot Fuzz. How many people from Edgar Wright’s movies were in Doctor Who? Anyway, now that we have over a year until Chibnall takes over, I think its best that I start to review as many of his episodes that he has written in the Doctor Who universe, starting in Torchwood.
Oh Torchwood. The show that is named as an anagram for Doctor Who, specifically made and geared towards the mature audience, and then later on sprouted The Sarah Jane Adventures for the children that in some ways was kind of better, and even Diamanda Hagan, the number one David Tennant/New Who hater in the world, would agree. Yeah, Torchwood wasn’t that great of a show, but its that kind of show that I would watch when nothing is on. It’s fine. I started watching this before I ever watched Doctor Who, and that was because I found about this show before I found out about the other, and when I did see the commercials for the other, it had this image burnt in my mind:
Right when I saw that clip from New Earth, I shouted to myself “EVEN N64 GRAPHICS LOOK BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!” And even today I still think the same thing. So, as the ignorant teenager that I was, I avoided Doctor Who for nearly five years, mocking it’s existence whenever I tried to see it, got confused as to why Captain Jack was in Doctor Who, and watched, uuuhhhhhhh, *shrugs* ….the first four episodes of Torchwood. Yeah, my interest for this show died very quickly. But you know what? I have to start watching this show again, but I know it will be harmless. Its like eating the fruits and vegetables that you see outside of a grocery store that will expire within less than a day. It may not be a pleasant thought, but at least you won’t get sick from it.
Our episode begins with Gwen bowling with her fiance on their date night, until they see a meteor crashing down in a park. Gwen is called by Jack to get to work with Torchwood. My opinion on Captain Jack Hartness is that he is a very entertaining guy, and very cool! He is so cool, that the TARDIS wasn’t cool enough to keep him in for long! Okay, I made that part up, but he’s still a cool guy! …………in Doctor Who, at least. Okay, in the first few episodes of this show, he’s at least cool. That kind of dies away, and then it tries to die away really badly in Torchwood: Miracle Day, figuratively and literally. The team excavates the meteor, and Owen, being the womanizer that he usually is, tries to call Gwen to do something by calling her names that ticks her off. Very smooth, Owen! This then makes Gwen throw a chisel for Owen to use, but she appears to throw it so hard that it punctures into the meteor really hard!
I apologize if what I said sounded inappropriate. The chisel in the meteor then makes a pinkish purple fart smoke come right out and then flies away.
Anyway, the girly version of the smoke monster from Lost flies away, and possess a woman named Carys, who is messaging her boyfriend to say that she wants to break up with him the old fashion way that my grandma still does it. By talking instead of texting on a flip phone. Let me remind you that this episode is going to be 10 years old very soon. so the possessed woman has an ability with the girly smoke monster on that she can get whatever she wants by kissing someone on the lips, and that she does to go back into the night club she came out of. And then she also has another ability where she uses on a guy in the mildly-interested-type-of-acting night club with loud music, by having sex with someone. This is what I mean about Torchwood being aimed at a mature audience. When it comes to Doctor Who, you still need to have the show being made as a family show, meaning it’s a show for everyone. And even though it’s a show for everyone, that means it needs a lot of restrictions. These restrictions are avoiding religion to stay away from any controversy, toning down the violence, no vulgarity, and having any sexual content. That’s why Torchwood was made. Getting away with using as much cursing as you want, and………….killing people by having sex. I never said it was good either, and seeing that this was the first thing Chris Chibnal wrote for this universe shows that he wasn’t off to a good start.
Torchwood then gets some news from Ianto that there was a murder in the night club where the girly smoke monster was at. How was anyone able to figure that one out with the remains of the dead corpse looking like this?
Here’s your answer: they installed cameras inside of the restrooms for perverts to look after! I don’t know how the rules of the CCTV cameras in the UK work, but don’t tell me that installing cameras in the restrooms is allowed. Okay, it wasn’t put in there by the government, but that may make it worse for the men to masturbate over!
But Gwen still goes in a whole “I’m sorry” phase, and Jack tries to give her some relief that stuff like that happens. But probably could of happened anyway if she stick with the process, so her going around her guilt trip is still pointless. And then she tries to get more character development- I mean get to know her new crew in her new job, while Captain Jack tries to find out what planet the girly smoke monster came from. They even try to use footage from the CCTV cameras to get a match from the civilians that the other cameras that they saved from. Re-watching this show ten years later is really making me question it’s political beliefs. But Gwen, who was concerned about gathering people’s personal data in Torchwood, uses the gathered personal data from the civilians, and finds the girly smoke monster trying to have sex with a mail man. But Torchwood shows up in time to save the mail man, and Owen traps Carys in what reminds me of the cone of silence from Get Smart.
After bringing in girly smoke monster into Torchwood as prisoner, Gwen tries to get answers from the alien, but ends up having sex with her that gets both Jack and Owen aroused. Just remember folks, these are the best that the whole earth got when the Doctor is too busy with going to different parts of time and space without knowing his location like Bugs Bunny! OUR HEROES EVERYBODY!!! But Gwen was able to get out of that situation, because the alien needs to have sex with a man. I’m going to avoid any possible controversial argument here, so I’m just going to skip ahead to the part where they have Chinese food with Gwen automatically feeling better with laughter. And then they go back to the girly smoke monster, because they have a TV screen in the dining room that screens prisoners who are under surveillance.
Jack says its to record any kind of data they can gather from her being surveillance, but why have that being part of the dinner table? You have a separate room with computers that can already do this. This is like if a bunch of security guards looks up prisoners who they don’t like, have a room full of monitors that can, and are, recording every single one of their actions, and have a big screen TV for them to see someone go through torture in Guantanamo Bay while eating ice cream cake. Because of this, Gwen tries to find more info on Carys that impresses Jack, and then Toshiko finds out that the girly smoke monster is living off of sex pheromones. I swear, I feel rather embarrassed talking about this episode. And what happens next doesn’t help on the fact that the girly smoke monster seduced Owen by taking off his clothes and got away, and then leads him to Gwen making sexual innuendos of him!
No, I will not post the image of naked Owen! I can’t believe that Chibnall is going to replace Moffat.
So, the girly smoke monster tried and succeeded to escape Jack by fighting him, and got away with it by throwing the Doctor’s severed hand from The Christmas Invasion. And now this is the part where I have to explain the controversy of the Doctor’s severed hand. The Doctor’s hand was taken and watched by Captain Jack up until he meet up with the Doctor again in Utopia. I don’t know why, but Captain Jack took the severed hand with him, and the Doctor kept his hand with him in the end of Last of the Timelords. The hand was then being of some use and resolved in a critically controversial moment in the two part-er The Stolen Earth and Journey’s End when the Doctor was in the process of regenerating and then poured his regeneration into the hand to sprout another Doctor. For those of you who never seen that episode, I’m not even making that up. What made it MORE complicated was that that regeneration counted when Steven Moffat tried to work that out in Time of the Doctor. To me, I’m in favor for it, but many fans are still in raged over Moffat making that cannon to the series.
Owen then explains the problem with the alien being in a living body for too long by experimenting it with a hamster. Now Owen’s character in this show kind of brings in a sort of confusion for me, as well as those who have noticed this from after watching Doctor Who. You see here, Owen in this show is a doctor for Torchwood, but in Aliens in London (aka, what use to be the WORST EPISODE IN DOCTOR WHO HISTORY!!!!!!), Toshiko was a doctor, but is now a computer expert for Torchwood. If you ask me, I would of prefer if their professions were swapped, since I can see Owen being more of a computer expert and Toshiko as a doctor. Now, you may make a simple argument that the character in Aliens in London and here are different, but even in Naoko Mori’s filmography shows that she is still playing the same character.
But I digress. Owen says that if the girly smoke monster stops having sex, Carys will blow up! That bit of info then brings us to a montage of Carys looking around Cardiff to images of partially nude people all around in desperation for sex. And then she goes on to her ex, who looks like if Daniel Radcliffe gained some weight.
The girly smoke monster kills Fatty Potter, and Torchwood tries out Carys’ job to find her. She does end at her workplace, and kills one man at a time. Torchwood’s plan is to try to force the girly smoke monster out of Carys by forcing it to die. When they get to Carys, they found a bunch of cremated men that if they show us all of the men she had sex with. I will never say this ever again, since I’m not a prune, but Carys must have a lot of stamina to kill that many men from doing sex. But she’s finally stopped, and the alien says that she needs one more man to get laid so the alien could get stronger and be more alive. I’m not even sure what any of that is suppose to mean. I think it means that the girly smoke monster will become Carys or something. I-I don’t know. I got less than 7 minutes of run time left in this episode.
Captain Jack tries to kiss her that results Carys’ body to glow, and then stops?
Gwen says that she wants to take the girly smoke monster, and the girly smoke monster does just that by first getting out of Carys, and then tries to travel into Gwen’s body. But Jack gives the alien the cone of silence, trapping the alien to its death. The girly smoke then becomes……..into ash?
Whatever, the day is saved, thanks to Torchwood!
This episode was not a good one. It was both weird and stupid, raises a lot of questions, and you don’t really get to know about the alien’s point of origin or what its suppose to be, which is why I kept calling it the girly smoke monster. The plot is ridiculous, revolving around an alien who could of been a plot for a porno. Half of the time, the characters would turn out to be incapable of their job, making you wonder how on earth Torchwood even still exists with these group of people to begin with. Sure, they were able to get the job done, but seeing what they went through was not even good enough. I don’t think that this episode was terrible, but it wasn’t good enough to be alright either.
So far, we’re not off to a good start with Chris Chibnall here. I do try to be as optimistic as I can with all of this, and I am hoping to see more of his strengths. However, we do have to plow through his next episode, which happens to be, according to the fans, one of the worst episodes in Torchwood. Yeah, this might be one of the worst, but we’re only out of the frying-pan, into the fire. I’m not going to say what it is, but most of you can already guess what episode I’m talking about.
About a year and a half ago (apologies for the delay), I delved into season 8, and I said that it was half-good, and half-terrible. I still stand by that today, and I won’t change my mind about it. The good episodes that I said were good are still good today, and the bad episodes that I said were bad are still bad today, if not, worse. This season, on the other hand, is somewhat better, giving maybe only two or three bad ones. Which ones are the good episodes? Which ones are the cringe worthy bad ones that you wish to bring Robert Holmes’ corpse back to write again? We’ll see in a moment. Peter Capaldi in the first 75% of this season started to dress up kind of a rocker, which I happen to like a lot!
Actually, the more I look at his costume, the more Hartnell I see in his style. The coat, the plad pants, the shoes, it’s there! William just didn’t wear a t-shirt, sunglasses, or had his hair all messy.
Everyone else doesn’t have that much of a change, but only one who finally leaves! So, let’s dive right in, shall we?
Before we go into the first episode, I should look into the prequel episode.
The Doctor’s Meditation
It’s just about the Doctor in the medieval times, doing some funny shinanigans, digging a well in a couple of places in the medieval ages. Oh, and there is a small moment where he does meditate. The Doctor says that he needs to get away for a while because of what he did in the middle of a battle that he regrets doing. This short is entertaining at best, and I dare say it’s my personal second favorite story in this season. So, what does he regret so much that made him stay in the medieval times?
The Doctor lands on a planet that is unknown to him until he finds a child trapped in a handmine field.
I would be impressed and think these are cool, but once you figure out that can’t move when grabbed by one, then you start to find out that this is just another one of Moffat’s tropes of defense mechanisms that I wish he can just stop doing already. Anyway, the child who the Doctor finds that got grabbed by one of the hand mines reveals to be Davros, and abandons him on the field, thus placing him in the medieval ages. But, *sigh*, Michelle Gomez freezes the sky, just to get Clara and UNIT’s attention to help her find the Doctor. Why does she want to find the Doctor? Because she has the Doctor’s confession dial.
This confession dial is made for a timelord when he’s nearing his death to reveal something that he has hid for his whole life, or something like that. Believe me, none of that will matter until the season finale. And because both Steven Moffat and Peter Capaldi forced Jenna Coleman to stay for this season (not making that up), Clara goes with the Master in the medieval times and finds the Doctor in an axe battle!
But they all were being chased by a guy who turns out to be a bunch of snakes as a sith lord.
This guy brings the three to Skaro, because Davros is dying, and he wants to see the Doctor one last time to let him know that he remembers the Doctor abandoning him as a child and making him see both Clara and the Master die. This episode is entirely fine, but the really good parts are really good. Not a great way of beginning a season, but I’ve seen worse.
The Witch’s Familiar is not very good. I know there are a lot of people who prefer this part over the last part, but upon giving it a second watch, I had to step away from this as good. Both the Master and Clara turned out not to be dead, but rather teleported outside of the Skaro city, not killing them. I don’t know why, they were both rendered useless throughout this whole episode, as well as the last episode. Another thing that I know a lot people like this new Master, and I can’t understand it for the life of myself. This episode was her at her worst, for acting too comedic to where it was annoying, cracking up jokes in a southern accent, and used profanity, further proving that Steven Moffat doesn’t give any care or thought of his audience. Yes, I know that Doctor Who is not strictly a children’s show, but you still have children watching Doctor Who. I have more to complain about that moment, but I will further expand that in a future review, because Steven Moffat might be reading my reviews and thinks that seeing me suffer through his episodes is humorous. I’m not saying that’s true, but it feels like it. Yeah, I don’t have a lot of things to say about Clara of how little interest I have for her. She even goes into a Dalek that for some reason looks squeaky clean on the inside, and talks like a Dalek, just to remind us of the horrors of Asylum of the Daleks. But what’s good about this episode? Well, I love how Skaro looks in this episode, looking just like the Daleks episode, but in color this time!
Okay, it doesn’t look just like the same city design in The Daleks, but I do believe it looks better. By the way, for those of you who don’t think I have seen the episode after making that mistake and that I’m saying this for my review, I did. Many years ago. It was better than this. The classic who Daleks look amazing, and some of them had much better use in this one than what we saw in Asylum of the Daleks. I just wish that they gave the special weapons Dalek something to do in this episode than have it being in the background again. That, and it talked. But back to the good stuff. Seeing the Doctor drive in Davros’ Davros mobile was very entertaining.
The moments that both Davros and the Doctor had were great too. If the episode was just about these two instead of, well, the other two, then we could have gotten a much better episode. There’s even a moment where Davros talks about a hybrid, but I’ll get into that later on. I say just watch it for the Doctor and Davros. They were great, and they were the best parts of the Witch’s Familiar.
Under the Lake is a solid episode that kind of feels like it belongs in the classic who era, and most people will say the same thing. It feels like this was Warriors of the Deep done right. It’s a ghost story that convinces the Doctor that ghosts exist. The Doctor lands in an underwater oil drilling company that reminds me of Sealab 2021, but minus the amount of humor that show had. But it does have a business man who you would see in some of James Cameron’s movies. Spoilers, he dies, and the Doctor had every right to criticize him. There’s a space ship that the oil drillers discovered, which some people start to speculate that its where the ghost came from. The only two other characters from this oil company who were worthy of mentioning are the deaf woman and her listening guide. She’s the first actress, to my knowledge, so don’t quote me on that, who came in the show with a disability. But like I said, I could be wrong. The ghost do hold some interest into their design, making their skin look a little white, while having their eyes look black, hidden in the blackness.
I don’t have a whole lot to say about this episode. It’s really good! Go watch it if you haven’t seen it.
Before the Flood is its second part that concludes this two parter, going back into the 80s to find out more about how the ghost and it’s space ship came to be. The first ghost is the one that you saw in that one image up above this poster, who looks like a rabbit mixed with a man.
Half of those from the sealab are with the Doctor in what appears to be a training base to fight against the communist, and the other half are with Clara in the sealab, trying to survive from the ghosts. the space ship is discovered to be a morgue-type service, and the man-rabbit is a funeral specialist who turns out to be the happiest funeral director in the universe. Insert obvious Gravity Falls reference here. You do get to see the Doctor as a ghost in the future, trying to tell Clara what to do, but by lip syncing with an extra help from the deaf woman. I almost forgot to mention that the ghost in these episodes don’t have voices, which I do find that part of the ghost to be interesting. The only problems that I have about this episode was the way how it began. He discusses this whole thing about the bootstrap paradox, explaining about something about who wrote Beethoven’s 5th, but I don’t see the point in this episode’s story. Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was cute, but what’s the point? Oh, and the monster in this episode, I’m not going to spoil anything about his design, but I only have one thing to warn you about him:
This is still a good episode, but not as good as the last.
This episode was the introduction of a cast member that Steven Moffat was really hyping up this whole season. Maisie Williams from Game of Thrones is playing a norse who declares war upon an alien race who are very viking like, and are considered to be one of the most fierce, and strongest warrior race in the galaxy. And she does this after her vikings were wiped out. This brings the Doctor to stay in this viking village and train the villagers to become vikings. If there is something that i have noticed from the last season’s few episodes, its that the episodes that have two writers, and if one of them is Steven Moffat, you can immediately tell that some of his writing is his on the screen. The biggest part about this episode that some people didn’t like, and neither did I, was that this episode revealed that the time lords can choose the appearances during their regeneration. Regeneration is best kept the way it was, and I didn’t think that was necessary. But, for Steven Moffat, that needed to happen for the next episode, because he writes that the Doctor gives Maisie Williams’ character immortality for the rest of this season. Outside of that, this episode was enjoyable. This was James Mattheson’s third episode, and even though it was not his best episode, I still recommend it.
The Woman Who Lived is one of the rare episodes in the show that is written by a woman, Catherine Tregenna, and happens to be really good, for the first two thirds of the episode. The Doctor just so happens to meet Maisie Williams again in the 18th century, and she has lived for so long at this point that she forgot what her name is. Now, she just calls herself Me. Yeah, she has written most of her life in hundreds of note books, if not, thousands, and she never thought about writing her name. I don’t know what to say about that. Anyway, in this part of her life, she lives in a life as a vigilante, taking money from the rich, living the high life. Like I said, the first two thirds are really, really good, revolving around Me’s life in the 1700s, and even looking a little into her past in one of her journals. It was effective, well done, and they were the best parts of the episode. So, how does this episode fall apart? Well, due to how this flowed as a potential for a return of a pure historical, Catherine thought it was a great idea to bring in the lion race from Warrior’s Gate that breathes out fire.
Really?! If he was in another episode, this would of brought back the pure historicals from the ashes. I guess that we will not get another pure historical anytime soon. But this episode was still good, regardless with the unnecessary sci-fi elements.
We see the return of the Zygons, the return of Osgood, and the return of UNIT, in The Zygon Invasion. I’m not a fan of the Zygons, so I don’t care all that much about them. I will admit that one of the best moments in Day of the Doctor was when you see one of the Zygons transforms back into it’s original form.
Now in this one, since I guess that most viewing audiences thought that awesome scene was too disturbing and epic for children, they got rid of it and just made it look like they transform as an edit. How boring. You also have Kate investigating a small town in New Mexico with a Zygon, I mean sheriff, and the Doctor going to another country around an eastern European country. ………I think. Yeah, I don’t care too much about this two parter. It’s not bad. This episode is clearly trying to be a metaphor of ISIS, giving the Zygons a place to live on planet Earth with the humans, living as humans, and creating terrorist attacks, but I just don’t care all that much for the story. And I can say the same thing about the next part.
I don’t hate the Zygons, far from it. I did enjoy Terror of the Zygons, and I also said that their transformation scene in Day of the Doctor was great! But even here I can care less because of how much of a disinterest I have for the story. I’m still not a fan of Osgood, and I saw her faking her own death a mile away in Death in Heaven too, thanks to her help with a Zygon, because using a race that is opposite of you as meat shields makes you a hero!
Even when you have a Zygon as Clara trying to kill the Doctor and leading the Zygons, it just made me think “okay.” And the whole Osgood box on the end-I kind of liked it. Not great, but passable. Yeah, that’s my two cents on this two parter. Not bad, but just okay for me. I can’t say the same for the next one, though.
Lo, and behold, the worst script that Mark Gatiss ever sharted out. I was kind of interested at first about this episode when I saw the trailers for this, and it turned out to be one of the worst episodes of this season. A rescue team of 4 soldiers enter into a space station that orbits around Neptune, trying to find out if there’s anyone still living or not. They do find the Doctor and Clara wandering around in a space station, for reasons that mystify me. Oh, and they find some crappy looking sand creatures that are made from the sand in people’s eyes.
They form from people’s DNA, turning them alive due through an amount of time from sleeping, and this works because………………science said so, I guess. Yeah, due to the massively bad reputation its been getting, this episode shows why that is. It has a lot of racism, its not scary, the rescue team doesn’t flesh out the characters all that much, and this episode is shot as a found footage episode. I’m not saying that’s bad and all, but when you get to find out why and how all of this was being recorded, you get to find out just how stupid this episode turned out to be. This is a really bad episode, and there was nothing about it that could have been better.
This is one of those episodes that I thought was good, but has one of the best moments in New Who. The immortal woman, Me, is patrolling those in an underground village that is filled with previous aliens from past episodes who are disguised as humans. This is all being helped by the street lamps that camouflages these aliens as human beings. There is a raven who takes charge as to who is guilty and gets the death sentence. Rigsy, who was doing jury duty from Flatline, is in this episode, and was given a time limit for his death sentence from the raven, because that’s how it works when the raven picks it’s guilty man/woman. I’m not too sure as to how you are allowed to present your innocence, because this bird doesn’t seem to put on a trial. This town in this episode has some interest, wondering how long its been going on, who else has been hiding down there, and whether or not if we are going to visit this place again. I don’t mean to spoil anything, but beyond this sentence
Now, the way how this episode ends was terrific! Ever since man came into existence, we as human beings have witnessed such splendors. These splendors, to me, are what I call mankind’s greatest achievements. The birth and resurrection of Jesus, the invention of the wheel, the Mona Lisa, Henry Ford making the very first car, the Wright brothers inventing the airplane, and the moon landing. This episode became a part on that list. Ladies and gentlemen, Clara Oswald finally dies.
It feels great to be alive again! Not once did I finally started to appreciate Steven Moffat since Day of the Doctor. Great job on truly getting rid of the real monster that you created for good this time! Steven, you deserve a cookie! The Doctor didn’t like this, because Ingrid (yes, that’s Me’s real name, now that I remembered it), had some power to stop it. Probably from convincing Clara into taking the death sentence, since she is immor- NOPE!!! I just witness something wonderful! I’ll leave it to that. And then the Doctor teleported somewhere else. Where? In the next episode!
This is a very strong episode for me. It’s about the Doctor trapped inside of what appears to be a castle in the middle of an ocean with no other land in sight. The Doctor tries to find a way out while being chased by what I think is the ghost of Christmas Future as guard or executioner in a castle that also moves.
All you need to know is that he/she/it can kill you in one touch, but not immediately, or the show would of ended right away. This whole episode is just about the Doctor, reflecting on the death of Clara and trying to get over her, while trying to get out of this castle. Sure, he’s trying to move on with his life from Clara of all people, but in direction, writing, and especially acting, it works really well!
I do believe that this is the first episode in the show’s history that’s main focus is only on the Doctor, and no one else. That, to my opinion, is the episode’s number one strength. This was an idea that almost happened with Tom Baker to only talk to the audience in front of the camera, and didn’t work that eventually gave us Leela. This was truly a success, and I want to see more of these episodes.
Wait a sec, did I just said that Steven Moffat made another good episode? Well, yeah. That’s possible. But the fact that he made another good episode again is so hard for me to grasp, due to the massive amount of crap that I had to put up with in the past. Finally, I can praise a new, great Moffat episode once more! I actually have hope in his writing again! THANK YOU SO MUCH STEVEN MOFFAT!!!!!! I AM SO SORRY FOR ALL OF THE FLACK THAT I GAVE YOU IN THE PAST WITH ASYLUM OF THE DALEKS AND LISTEN!!! YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THAT YOU ARE STILL A LIVING, GRACIOUS, TRUE LEGEND OF WRITERS THAT THIS SHOW HAS EVER HAD AND PROVED IT IN HEAVEN SENT!! Heaven Sent. That title is so appropriate for this episode. No, its not perfect, but just a nitpick or two in this episode. BUT WHO CARES!?!??!!!! YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!!!! I MUST SEE WHAT MORE YOU CAN POSSIBLY SHOW-
Before I give my two cents on my hatred for this abomination, let me tell you what this is about. The Doctor was in the confession dial that whole time in Heaven Sent, you know, that dial that Missy revealed in The Magician’s Apprentice? The Doctor finds himself back on Galifrey, getting help from the Galifreyans, thanks to him saving them all. This trust that these Galifreyans gained from the Doctor helps him kick Rassilon off the planet, and then talks to the old hag from Karn and the general from Day of the Doctor about the hybrid. You know, that thing that Davros brought up out of nowhere in The Witch’s Familiar. Yeah, most of this episode is just a bunch of babbling about who or what this hybrid is, and I have no idea if I learned anything from this. I say that, because they talk so much about this hybrid that I don’t care what the hybrid is. Sure, some might have their own theories as to what the answer is:
but I really don’t care, because this episode was both infuriating and dull. There is two things that really makes me want to stop keeping up with this show, but can’t due to how far I have gone with this series, but one moment in this episode was such a horrible retcon, that it just might have the ability to ruin this show. I’m not going to say, but sometime in the future, I will reveal it in a review of this episode. I will unleash more of my anger about this episode than what I did in Listen. Like I said, that wasn’t Moffat’s worst, and that should tell you what I think about his writing lately.
Anyway, let’s talk about the Christmas episode:
River has a lot of husbands in this episode. They’re all a bunch of heads in and on a robot suit. The robot suit has its own AI. Kind of pointless to give the robot suit an AI, and kind of pointless to give the robot suit all of the rejected heads from Futurama that River married. But the episode was okay. Don’t remember too much about this episode, other than it could have easily ended quicker if she asked the Doctor for his name, because she’s trying to find the Doctor, while having the Doctor on his side, and not knowing that he’s the Doctor. The Doctor the Doctor the Doctor, the Doctor the Doctor. …Doctor. I think Moffat is trying to show off his sense of humor, which is what he is good at. He started off writing a comic relief special of Doctor Who in the late 1990s, and it was funny. This episode painted River Song as a dumb blonde, to my opinion. I don’t mean to spoil anything about this episode, but the ending does wrap up River Song’s story just fine. I say it like that because I never liked River Song. She was just annoying to me.
Season 9 was just a little bit better than the last season. Had two terrible episodes, a few middle of the road good and bad, a handful of good ones, and one great episode. I do recommend this season more than the last season.
Now, due to the fact that there won’t be a new episode this year until Christmas, I will have enough time to review a big chunk of episodes within the Doctor Who Universe from a specific writer. I’m not going to reveal who it is, but some of you might know who it is. And when I said that I will review episodes within the cannon universe of Doctor Who, that does mean I will review episodes of Torchwood! So look forward to that as I review them all in order of their appearances from this man’s work.
Under the Lake/Before the Flood
Sleep No More
Clips from: A Closer Look at Doctor Who: Davros’ Chair (ep 2 spoilers) – By BBC America
Letdown! – By Maplehoof
Doctor Who Advert Calendar: Zygon Transformation (17 days!) – By Merganman4
Knowing is Half the Battle – By Fiegepilz
Kool in the Gang – Celebration – By oolAndTheGangVEVO
The Walking Dead – Rick “Oh no no no” (Lori dies) – By vTiisa
Is the Doctor Half Human? – By Nosibor Nedle
All images are owned respectfully from their creators.
As for the Radio Times posters, I have no affiliation with the Radio Times site, but I do love their artwork. I do recommend supporting their website!
If there is something that we all might have asked ourselves once in a while in the realm of entertainment, its how does a film maker go from being one of the greats to one of the bads? What I mean is by their ability, and not their reputation with the fanbase. That alone deserves it’s own topic for some other time. What I’m saying is how does someone with such talent can just stop using the talent that made them famous. For example, both George Lucas and M. Night Shyamalan started off strong by using their talents on revolutionizing the genres that they both individually made. But they were so happy with what they were doing, that they really forgotten that every film maker should have restraints. But because of how famous and powerful they have become, they kind of seem to live like they can get away with anything. I can’t confirm any of that, but that’s just how it appears to be. The same can be said about MY feelings towards Steven Moffat.
I started watching Doctor Who right before season 6 started, and I watched a great portion of the show before then. I even saw a lot of Moffat’s episodes before his takeover on the show. Even after watching season 5, we all treated him as if he was going to be the next Robert Holmes. Even I was excited to see his work for season 6. But right when season 6 started, I felt like there was something missing on the end result. Even after I saw The Wedding of River Song, I felt like his episodes were kind of meh for me. Season 7 was a pretty rough year for me when it came to Steven Moffat. Asylum of the Daleksjust keeps getting worse the more I think about it, The Angels Take Manhattan was just forgettable, The Bells of Saint John was okay, and The Name of the Doctor felt like it was just there for exposition. Both The Night of the Doctor and The Day of the Doctor were him at his strongest, and I do believe he was actually trying to write good, coherent stories. I will get into those two sometime in the future to give my extensive opinions on those stories. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that The Snowmen was just awful. I already gave you guys my two sense on what I thought about the episodes that he wrote in season 8, but in case if you don’t remember, here’s my review of season 8:
So, did I just bring those episodes up as a list of future reviews? Maybe. But I must concentrate my wrath on what I use to believe was Steven Moffat’s worst episode. Oh yeah, I think it’s that bad! And before you Moffat fans try to defend this episode, telling me that this episode was great and is bound to be a classic, and those who think that this episode sucks and that I just hate Steven Moffat as a writer (which isn’t true), I only have one favor to ask you all. Please, PLEASE read my review first, and then you can comment on what I have to say about this not-scary-at-all episode.
We begin with the Doctor meditating on top the TARDIS, as he tells us all to listen. People, from here on until the end of this article, One of the first things that he asks is why do we talk out loud when there is no one around to talk to. He states that its because there is someone really around hearing you. No, we have a number of reasons for why we talk out loud Moffat. Sometimes we’re just crazy, and sometimes we just naturally do it when we never notice it. And sometimes we think out loud to wonder if what we want to say sounds right. At least that’s what I do. Yeah, I’m kind of pathetic that way. I’m just going to stop right there.
The Doctor then asks if evolution has perfect survival skills (which that can be flawed), perfect defence (even that can be flawed), then why isn’t there perfect hiding skills? The Doctor continues to think that this specific monster is hearing him out on all of this, wonder what it wants to do, what it wants, and what it is. He then sees the chalk that he was using to write down his theory on the board that he placed on top of a book suddenly laying on the floor, and then sees the chalk board being erased just to show us one word:
I haven’t said a thing about the new intro yet, so I’ll talk about it now. I love it! As much as I admire the previous two, and as much as I still have the 7th Doctor’s intro as my personal favorite, this one is, by far, the best one in New Who. In case if none of you have not seen a single second of the 7th Doctor’s intro, do yourself a favor and look it up. …………….and watch Remembrance of the Daleks, far superior than this episode and Asylum of the Daleks.
And after the best part of the episode ends, we get to the most uninspiring companion since Martha Jones, Clara Oswald. I say that, because she doesn’t have that much of a personality or a purpose to be in this show anymore. She’s like if you get rid of all the things that you love out of Sarah Jane Smith. She goes out on her first date with the other uninspiring companion, Danny Pink. Even though his treatment in this show wasn’t as bad as Mickey’s, where he was a suspect for a supposed murder of a white, blonde she-devil, Danny still gets the rest of Mickey’s flack and disrespect from his time in Aliens in London/World War 3. The more I talk about that episode, the more you should fear the time come when I might rip the earth apart with my wrath and fury! Oh yeah, I’m going to tear that story apart, and it will dwarf my anger that I have put upon Steven Moffat!
Anyway, we do get to see the two laugh a bit, but we never get to hear much out of it, probably because Moffat wants us to prevent ourselves from finding something about the two that we would probably find enjoyable from either one of them. And then we get to one of the biggest no-nos that Clara makes against Danny. What they were laughing about, or at least I think they were laughing about, is some student who’s been causing trouble in their job, and Clara jokingly said that Danny would of went as far as killing her. Danny finds that sensitive, since he was a soldier with a backstory of killing a child that ended with a HUGE DUD, and said that he dug 23 wells that saved so many lives. Clara apologizes to him, not knowing that it was sensitive, but how does she ruin that? When a waiter offers for more water, Clara, right after she said apologized to Danny about the wells, said “don’t you worry, he’ll probably dig for it.” Clara, I know you are not as bad as Rose Tyler, but still better than her. Take that for what it’s worth. But what you just said was terrible. Here’s a man from Into the Dalek, who wanted to ask you out and is very interested in you, and really cares for you, for some reason (I really don’t know. This show really doesn’t give us a reason). Then you have Clara, who comes in all nice and sweet, and then insults Danny right in his face and to the waiter. WOW! This is simply Clara’s worst moment in Doctor Who. I cannot seem to find anything from here on forth to redeem her character out of what she just said. Now, Clara is finally put on the wall of shame of bad companions.
As for their relationship, I have no idea why they love each other. This show fails to reveal to us what made these two fall in love with each other. The Simpsons showed us how both Homer and Marge came together, and it was really good. Futurama, even though it took them several years for us to see both Leela and Fry come together, it showed us how they both came together. This show doesn’t care for any of that. You can say that it was revealed by explaining, but one of the most important rules of the camera is show, don’t tell. And their chemistry just doesn’t seem to be seen anywhere within this whole season. So, no. I don’t buy this relationship at all. I’m sure that I’m leaving some more details as to why I don’t like this relationship, but I’m sure that I will get into more of my issues with this some other time.
So, how does this date end? Danny and Clara both agreed that it was a sensitive subject to him, but then Danny said that people like Clara would make that kind of mistake. Now I don’t know who to side with here! Sure, I’m mad at Clara, but come on! Don’t be this rude to a woman Danny! You just ruined what could of saved your date night. And you want to know something else about this moment? We’re barely past the 5 minute mark! If you think that you’re now starting to understand why I hate this episode just from these first 5 minutes of this episode, you better hold on to your buns. I’m just getting started.
After watching some of the most insufferable date nights that I have ever sat through, Clara walks back into her apartment, just to see the Doctor parking his TARDIS inside. The Doctor says that he needs Clara to perform the fear factor theory that he proposed earlier in the episode, wondering if there is a boogey man in real life or not. By doing this, he uses Clara to put her fingers in a device called a TARDIS Telepathic Interface, that looks sort of like giant ice cube trays.
What it does is that it allows you to have mental contact with the TARDIS to travel anywhere from your history, from your birth to your death. I don’t know why the Doctor can’t just do this by himself. This is a pretty unique concept, but have some issues on how it works. Trust me, I will get to them as I continue.
The Doctor tells Clara not be distracted when she uses the contraption, but her phone rings, making her think about Danny. The TARDIS lands outside of a children’s home in Glasgow in the mid-90’s, you know, the time that gave us lovable gem:
My surprise is that movie was made by the same director of both Robocop and Starship Troopers. What a strange world we live in. Wait a sec, this episode was written by the same guy who made Blink and The Girl in the Fireplace. How ironic that both people made such insultingly bad things in life. But I digress.
Clara tells the Doctor that she has never been to Glasgow in her life, nor has she ever been inside of a children’s home before. Clara asks what if they got distracted during the process, and the Doctor says that they could of accidentally have traveled into a different time period. He said this, even though he knew that Clara was distracted. Why doesn’t the Doctor check to see if they’re in the wrong year and location is anyone’s guess. His TARDIS does have information on her life, as well as those times when he was examining her life and her parent’s life in The Rings of Ahkaten, which was far superior than this. Bottom line, the Doctor should know that she never lived in a children’s home in Glasgow!
Clara sees a kid from the top floor of the house who reminds her of Danny, and he tells her that his name is Rupert Pink, and he thinks that Rupert is a stupid name. Kid, your name is fine. There’s already a small handful of boys who are named Adolf Hitler on this planet. The Doctor investigates inside of the home, and finds the guy who watches the place at night. The Doctor then asks if the man has ever seen anything move on it’s own, and then hears the tv from the other room turn off, and sees his coffee mug disappear. Again, I want you to try to remember this scene. Believe me, this will be important later on.
If any of you have watched this episode before (and I’m sorry if you have, but if you enjoyed this episode, then I envy you), you may have notice that Murray Gould composed the score to this episode like it’s the scariest episode ever made. There’s nothing wrong with the songs themselves. They sound creepy, and they sometimes used in the right, appropriate scenes. I think I would play this again on my own during Halloween. But the rest of the time, they’re used in moments were nothing scary is happening. For example, when Clara uses the telepathic interface, there is creepy music going on, but nothing scary is happening. You know what that’s like? Try to imagine those scenes from Forrest Gump where Forrest is only talking on the bus stop, while listening to the score from A Nightmare On Elm Street. It wouldn’t work. Okay, maybe it would, since the first three people he talks to were a black woman and a mother with her child, offering some chocolate.
Anyways, Clara goes into Rupert’s room (clearly nothing wrong with an adult just walking into a child’s room in the middle of the night), and asks why he doesn’t want to sleep on his bed. Maybe it’s because the last thing he saw was this:
Seriously, I, as well as you, should be watching A Nightmare on Elm Street over this. Just avoid the remake.
So, Rupert thinks that there are something underneath his bed, and Clara wonders if he thinks that something grabbed him on his foot. Clara tries to comfort him that it was a dream, and dreams aren’t real, meaning that the monster is not real. And then Clara asks her to go under the bed with him……
And come to think that she would be dating him in the future. So, during this horrifying moment with Clara and Rupert, we get a scene that tries to be horrifying. Something sits on the bed! Clara gets out from under the bed and sees the monster underneath the blanket.
Clara thinks that its one of the kids playing a prank, and then it starts to stand up.
The Doctor happens to be in the room, sitting on a chair, looking for Waldo (for you British people out there, yes. I am calling him Waldo), and sees the monster on the bed. The Doctor talks to Rupert that its okay to be afraid, and then does the one thing that ruined this monster for me. Really, this is the one thing that caved in on everything that could have made this monster worth being terrified of. The Doctor tells both Clara and Rupert to turn around, and don’t look at it. And you know what? It disappears! Okay, let me get this straight. Steven Moffat. The man who is well known for terror. The one who can and successfully write horrifying monsters. The one who can come up with great defense mechanisms against the monsters that he creates. Weeping angels: don’t blink. Great! The Silence: Don’t forget. Still Great. The Teller that will come out an episode later: Don’t think. Again, great! Now, this monster, whatever the hell it is: don’t look at it. Not gonna lie, that’s very weak. Are you to tell me that this monster that Steven Moffat is trying to push, that makes us wonder if there is a being with perfect hiding, that is suppose to be terrifying, and it goes away from just not looking at it?! That’s just stupid! Why?! WHY?!
This is the most non-scary thing you can ever do to any monster. This is like if the only way to get rid of Leatherface was to not look at him, just so he can just walk away. I can’t believe that so many people consider this episode to be scary. There is nothing about this episode that was scary. Well, seeing Clara under the bed with a child was kind of scary, but it wasn’t because of the monster sitting on the bed. And, Doctor, didn’t you want to see this monster for yourself? And don’t tell me that he made it go away because he didn’t want the kid to be in any danger. He wanted to take young Amy Pond with him to defeat prisoner zero. Not only that, but how does the Doctor know not to look at it, and then it will go away? This is his first time trying to get rid of it. Holy mother of all the things that are good on this blue and green planet. This is SOOO STUPID!!!!! Oh, and another thing, do I think that there was something under the blanket? I’ll get to that later, along with everything else that I am holding back until the end.
So, after getting rid of the biggest letdowns in Doctor Who history, Clara helps Rupert to get him not to be afraid by placing soldiers in front of his bed, as if they’re watching for the monster not to come out and grab him. Clara says that the soldier without a gun is the leader, because he’s so brave that he doesn’t need a gun. Yeah, but he’s no Chuck Norris, who doesn’t need anyone or anything to help him. Rupert names this soldier Danny! Yeah, that will come into play later on. And then Danny falls asleep in the only good part in this episode. Clara wanted to tell Danny a bedtime story, but the Doctor knocks him to sleep with his psychic ability, and says “Once upon a time-the end.” Still gives me a smile on my face. Back inside the TARDIS, the Doctor tells Clara that Danny won’t remember a thing about that night, thanks to his psychic ability.
Clara decides to take on round two of one of the most awkward date nights ever televised. It starts off good, until Clara calls him Rupert by accident, hearing something shatter in the background. No, I’m not kidding about that for one second. Danny is mad at her for calling him that, because he still thinks that Rupert is the most evil name in the universe. It’s been around 20 years, and he still has an issue with that name? Why? Would you rather have these names instead?
And during this stupid quarrel, there’s a guy walking inside of a space suit in the background.
At first, I had no idea what was going on. The tone in this scene just looked out of order for me. Is this suppose to be funny? I’m more enraged and confused! That was until that after the world’s crappiest date ends, Clara follows the man in the space suit to the TARDIS in the middle of the kitchen (nice parking there, idiot), Clara gets mad at who she confuses herself to thinking that he was the Doctor. I say confuses, only because he wasn’t the Doctor. He’s Orson Pink from the future.
Why on earth would you make a scenario with a character who isn’t comedic in any way, and make it look awkward and funny looking? And you know what? The Doctor calls this a bit strange.
You know what? We’re on to the third act of this episode. I’m just glad this episode is almost done at this point.
The Doctor says that Orson Pink is from a hundred years from Clara’s future, wondering if she has some connection with him. The way how the Doctor found him was that when Clara thought of him in the telepathic interface, she left a trace of Danny Pink. Why is it just this particular person from the Pink family tree is beyond me. The TARDIS found Orson Pink on what the Doctor describes to be the last planet in the end of the universe, being the end of time I believe. No, wait. If this was in the end of time, then this episode should be taken place in Utopia. No, there’s a sun out there. From what I also remember, there were carnivorous humanoids with razor sharp teeth and tattoos. And for some reason, the Doctor said that the TARDIS isn’t suppose to take them this far. ………..but it did. ………….in Utopia. ……and that episode was far better than this. So, where is this suppose to take place? I have no idea. And for someone who traveled deep within the end of the universe, one can wonder how he even made that base on his own. Or wait, was that base already there? Did he get help? Well, this episode was written like he was the only one who got here from time traveling (which that within itself makes this plot hole even bigger, by the way), so I just have to assume that Orson made this whole place all by himself, without any humanly possible way of him getting any resources or materials. Within 6 months. Yeah, I almost forgot to mention that OTHER DETAIL, which makes this plot hole bigger than ever.
The Doctor questions why the airlock to this base is locked if everything outside is dead, and Orson says that there is something out there. Okay, remember when I said for you to remember all of the scenes that I told you to remember, like the beginning monologue, the monster, whether or not if it was real? Now I can vent all of my anger that I’ve been holding back. One, I don’t know what any of you think about this, but I do believe that Orson Pink is suppose to be Danny Pink’s future relative. I say that because I know some of you are thinking “well, Orson Pink can’t be related to Danny, because Danny is dead. I mean, how is that possible if Clara wasn’t pregnant with him?” Well, this episode really tries to make that clear, because he said that he came from a family of time travelers, and he happens to have the same toy soldier that Danny had as the leader of his army as a child.
Orson calls this toy soldier as an heir loom. So add all of this up and you see that Clara was meant to bear his child. And no, it was already establish that you can’t mess anything up with time, thanks to the time reapers from Father’s Day.
That, and just because Clara had a post it that said that she might pregnant in Dark Water, doesn’t mean it confirms anything. Not even in The Magician’s Apprentice does it show her in any way being pregnant or even having a baby.
The other thing that I have to raise my fist on is that there are sounds coming from the outside. Wasn’t one of the things that the Doctor question is why is there no such thing as perfect hiding? I know that he never confirmed that, but it seems that this show tried to create a monster like that. And this monster sucks at it! It makes too much sound, and it hides underneath a blanket, puts weight on a bed, and uses chalk. Actually, that brings me to my other point. Remember when I said on whether or not if I believe that this monster is real? Well, after watching the chalk movie away and being used, after seeing the monster move, getting on the bed, getting off the bed, and taking the blanket away, and AFTER HEARING AND SEEING THE AIRLOCK OPENING IN THIS SCENE, AS WELL AS KNOCKING, I really demand a huge, honest question from you all: did YOU believe that there was nothing there in that bedroom? People have had debates on whether or not that this monster was real or not, whether if there was ever anything there. Why?! This episode was never written, directed, acted, or even performed to give you the choice to make up your own interpretation. This isn’t like Inception or The Fountain, where those movies were clever to make you think about that and leave it to your interpretation. This episode, to what I have seen, does not do anything like that for you. This shouldn’t even be a debate.
The Doctor demands Clara to get into the TARDIS, but he wants to stay in the base when the airlock opens. But when the airlock opens, the air takes it’s time to suck the Doctor out, leaving him hanging, even though the air would have been gone with the time he was out there. Yeah, it should have been too late for Orson to rescue him. Well, actually, there is an air bubble around the TARDIS, so I can let that slide. The three of them think that they are safe and sound, but then the monster tries to break into the TARDIS. Wait a moment, the monster was inside of the TARDIS in the beginning of this episode, so how is it having such a difficult time getting in? As a matter in fact, when and how did it get in and out of the TARDIS to begin with?! It’s like Moffat knew that there would be a Latino in East LA with long hair, who knew that he hated Asylum of the Daleks, probably have read his review, and came up with the perfect idea to make him more mad than he already was.
Clara tries to escape with the telepathic interface, but gets distracted by the Doctor, and lands inside of a barn. Just wait, there’s a reason for why they landed there. Clara sees a young boy who is crying in his bed in the barn. She thinks that he is either Rupert or Orson crying in his bed, until his parents or whoever they are, comes inside. I can’t specify, only because when they want him to come out of the barn, they say that he can sleep with the other boys, but they are never referred as his brothers or other family members. Clara hides under his bed, just to figure out that this kid, and I am not making this up, is the Doctor. No, really. The man says that if he keeps this up, crying on his bed in the barn, then he will never become a timelord. Oh, and those people never noticed that the TARDIS was in the barn. That thing is lit bright for crying out loud! How can you miss that?!
This brings me to my last and final thing that I wanted you to remember. Remember how I told you that I had issues with how this works? When the Doctor said that this works within the timeline from the person who uses the telepathic interface, why does it work on other people that you think of? The Doctor never said that this happens when you’re being distracted, which that’s what happened to Clara twice already. If the machine worked the way the Doctor instructed, then she wouldn’t be in Galifrey. And then Clara gives a speech. Oh, what joy! Another speech! Why on earth must New Who be cluttered with so many speeches?! When Old Who did the speeches, it was for only one incarnation of the Doctor at a time, with the exceptions from both the 3rd and 5th Doctors. Here, its like both Davies and Moffat think this is necessary. And this isn’t any other speech that is tossed into this episode. This is a speech, coming from Clara. About how the Doctor came to be. Is this really necessary? I didn’t need to see how the Doctor came to be. As a matter in fact, Old Who established a number of times on how he became the Doctor. I don’t need to see this, Moffat didn’t need to see this, and I took a dump in the last minute of this speech as the episode ended. Sure, that last part wasn’t professional at all, but this episode doesn’t deserve anything professional from me anyway.
Just to let you guys know, before I saw this episode, I wanted to like it. The idea of making another horror story in Doctor Who was a great idea. It even looked like from the trailers that it was going to be promising. But right when I s Steven Moffat’s name on the title of this episode, I was then saying “you better not mess this up.” He did. This episode had the biggest amount of potential to be great. It had potential to have me love it! And from reading all of this, you can now understand why I hated this episode so much. It’s not scary, the tone at times can be confusing, and time traveling from one part of time from another, showing that everyone is somehow connected, using Clara as the reason for why everyone was the way they were was cheap and lazy. The writing in all of these characters was terrible and confusing as well. I couldn’t like Danny, I couldn’t like Clara, I couldn’t like Rupert, I didn’t care too much for Orson, and even though the Doctor in this episode wasn’t the worst, he did raise too many questions on his motives that he sometimes made me mad. Overall, I can picture that this episode is somehow going to be linked with a future episode. There’s going to be a reason for everything that happened in what w all just saw. He did it before with Matt Smith, so I do believe that he’s going to do the same thing with Peter Capaldi. You know what else that bothers me so much about this episode? The huge amount of praise it gets. Don’t believe me? Here are some of them!
The episode showcased Moffat’s strengths as a writer, which shine brightest when he’s working within set limits, like the single hour timeframe of a normal episode. – TV.com
this episode is sure to rock the fan base. – Entertainment Weekly
“Listen” is the best DoctorWho episode in years. – The A.V. Club
“Listen” is a truly wonderful episode that only makes sense once the whole thing is completed, like the best of Moffat. – The Nerdist
I still cry every time I see these kind of praise. Well, if you still like this episode, even though I can’t understand why, then go ahead and watch it. I’m not stopping you, nor do I care to. Believe me, I use to do that, and I never get anywhere by doing so. I just can’t like this episode. I do wish that Steven Moffat will someday make another good episode again that I can like and approve. I don’t know when that will be, but as long as he continues to never leave the show, he still has enough time. Only time will tell. For the next Doctor Who episode to review, I’ll find an episode that wasn’t from Steven Moffat, just to change it up a bit.
In loving memory of Wes Craven
Youtube clips in order from:
Seventh Doctor Titles – Doctor Who – BBC – Doctor Who
That’s right, we return to what I now call Re-run-a-ween month with another episode of Darkplace!
We start this episode with the hospital staff waiting in a long line to get their lunch with Liz and her new temp.
Liz pisses off the chef, and the two many cooks in the kitchen then says that the chicken will take everyone another 5 minutes to be ready. I heard that chicken is difficult to make, but it can’t take this long. It’s not THAT hard. Oh, wait-
This starts to make Liz so mad that she now starts to go Chronicle on the chef and kill him with telekinesis. By knocking him out with a ladle and huge fork with two fingers! Seriously, I have no idea what they are called. It’s that thing that chefs use to stab meat and hold them in place when they’re cutting it. But do you know what else she could have used to kill him with? A SPOON!!!
By the way people, that is going to be made as a movie. Support it now! Jeffery Combs must continue to be in movies!
This brings Dean Learner’s attention and brings both Rick and Sanchez to joke about the chicken and make such horribly fake laughs.
Thornton tells both Sanchez and Rick that they need to do a search on a mystery attacker and figure out who or what killed the chef. Liz is teamed up with Thornton, meaning that Thornton has to act rude behind Liz’ back, literally, as she breaks a light bulb with her Akira powers. But Rick doesn’t believe that him and Sanchez are enough to do their task, so he brings in the temp with them in the basement of the hospital. The trio walks around in the basement, and finds a cordless iron burning Sanchez on the face. Except it isn’t cordless, because there’s a cord carrying the iron.
This brings Rick to tell Thornton that someone is using telekinesis that is caused when someone is angry or emotional, which means that we get to see more stuff fly around on strings, and Thornton shooting plates on strings!
Now that Thornton finally figured out that Liz is behind all of this, he tells Jim, one of the employees of the hospital, to tell Rick, who is being chased by file cabinets, that Liz is attacking the hospital. But you know what? Jim is being chased by a stapler. I could show you pictures on the lunacy of these moments, but if I were to do that, then this whole page would be cluttered with nothing but pictures. I’m trying to keep them at a minimum here.
So, Rick gets the call that Liz is using her tele powers against the hospital, Sanchez is surrounded by a bunch of kitchen supplies, and the temp tries to fight back by taking off his shirt and using his tie as a head band! Just remember kids, if you are ever going to be under attack, and you have something that you can wrap around your head, do so and you will magically become as tough as John Rambo!
Rick finally finds Liz as she is floating in mid-air, with her hair raising like Akira.
Sure, you can say it was creepy looking girl in the movie, but Tetsuo had his hair up like that, so I’m just going to say that Tetsuo is using her body. As a matter in fact, who here wants to see a fight against Tetsuo and Liz in a telekinesis fight against each other? I’m down!
While Liz attacks Rick with a fire extinguisher, John the temp Rambo comes to the rescue! ……..just so he can get stabbed by a bunch of screw drivers and have Rick say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to him for a minute and throw the fire extinguisher at Liz. Well, at least the day is saved, if you would considered an entire hospital where people died to call the day “saved.” Whatever. At least they didn’t wait an entire day to stop the forces of evil, you know, like what the Autobots did in Transformers 3. Man, that last action sequence alone was just awful.
Rick learns that the temp’s name was Clive, and he dies. Rick then cries in the most overly dramatic way possible.
The episode ends with Sanchez saying that he extracted the telekinetic powers from Liz, and then Thornton makes a joke that makes everyone do the fake laugh, but this time longer.
This episode is a lot of fun, showcasing the fun you can have by seeing the obviously bad special effects being used the right way. I do enjoy seeing comedies that exploit the horror genre and have some great comedy fun with it. This show, like the Sharknado movies, is not trying to make high art, and knows it’s audience. Well, at least Darkplace found it’s audience today. If it didn’t come out until recently, it probably wouldn’t have work today, due to how risky it would have become. Even if it came back today as a continuation, I doubt it will try to be as funny. Believe me, you don’t have to watch season 4 of Arrested Development to understand my point. I went there for one episode, and that was enough for me. I tried to find this show on Hulu, and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I’m glad that I was able to find this show on Youtube, and I do encourage you all to watch it for yourself!
We started off great so far for re-run-a-ween, but sadly, I have to take down another terrible episode from a man who used to try to write great stories. I’m looking at you, Steven Moffat.
We have all heard the question about how so many non-anime fans would question why so many anime have teenagers as the main characters. The easiest and popular answer that so many people can give is simply that it is made and geared towards the teenagers. But now I must raise everyone reading this post this question: why are a big number of anime that have teenagers as the main characters are bloody, gory, and contain the adult contend that you would find in a Michael Bay movie? I tried to find an answer to this question. I really did. Since I fail to find an answer, all I can do is criticize how much High School of the Dead continues to baffle me and every anime before and after this one continues to follow this path.
I know that there are worse anime out there than this when it comes to fan service, but the more anime that I see that anime like this has fan services on teenage characters, and that a good deal of the viewers are adults, the more I feel unclean to be an otaku. I don’t know who was responsible for starting this, and I know that its what is making anime growing as big as it is today, unfortunately, but when will it end? I still wish for the day to come that all of this will die off. Believe me, it will be the greatest day of my life when it comes, and I will not be silent about it! And for those of you who do like this, I will try to listen to every one of your cries of sorrow and pain, indicating that my dreams did come true. If you are new to my site, and can’t take the morbid jokes that I will play on my fans like these, then I’m amazed that you made it this far. But for me, this show just continues to amaze me after watching it through the second time. So far, I’m glad that there is only one season, and I’m having high hopes that season 2 will never be made. I hope that it will stay that way.
We start our second episode called “Escape from the Dead.” I don’t know who decides to name these episodes, but if all of your episodes are going to have the word “dead” or written out “of the dead,” “from the dead,” or just “the dead” in that order, then your creative thinking just sucks. You’re not being cool, you’re just being stupid and lazy. Our episode opens with both Saya and Kohta running to get out of their high school, where even the staff and teachers are all already devoured. Yeah, I’m just raising my hand right now to ask why most zombie apocalypse stories have a vast majority of people already turn into zombies within a few hours? At least in 28 Days Later, you had the virus spread quickly into the humans and act like raging animals that is caused by only one drop of blood that goes into your system. That at least makes sense. Even in Fear the Walking Dead was realistic on slow it started that the show took it’s time on how it spread. This anime, on the other hand, made it look like it spread quicker than the negative feedback for both Pixels and Fant4stic, and the zombies don’t even move fast at all. There is no reason for this epidemic to spread this quickly at all, nor is there any reason for nobody to take this long to end it. And believe me, this will only get dumber as the show goes on.
Then we cut back to Takashi and Rei on the rooftop……….and just sitting there after killing one of their friends.
Yeah, I get that Takashi said that he’s just thinking about what is going on, and that they’re probably lamenting on what just happened to their friend, including how Rei lost her boyfriend, but don’t you think that you should of try to get out of their? You got probably over a baker’s dozen of zombies who want to kill you all! LEAVE THE AREA!!! Oh, what’s this? Rei just so happens to finally think about calling her dad, who is also a police officer. WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Whatever, it didn’t work, because her dad couldn’t hear after they lose service. Wait, what?! Even though this show also acknowledge that there is no service and that Rei doesn’t know why there is no service (which is by far the smartest thing she has ever said in this show), how on earth did this city (which I don’t think is ever specified) lose it’s signal so quickly? Are people in this world just purposely trying to kill each other? You know what? I just think that all knowledge, intellect, and even logic just wanted to leave this world and let us all rot. Why not? It’s the only explanation that works for me. Even Saya doesn’t bother with the police and tries to take matters on her on hands by trying to leave the school safe and sound. I could say she’s the smartest character in this show, and she is, but I still have issues with her.
Saya says that she’s a grade A student. She brings up the logistics behind the situation that they are in. She knows that the police and the self defense force cannot help them out very much. So why on earth do you still give her so much fan service and overly long pink hair as if she’s a stripper? Her character design does not match with what her character is suppose to be, so why bother making her a genius?! And no, the glasses doesn’t do a thing to support her character either. If you want to say that all people or characters are incredibly smart because they wear glasses in this universe, then you might as well say that these men are the most intelligent beings in THIS universe.
Are you now starting to see why I told you to avoid Shouji Satou in the first place?! And you know what else that bothers me? She says to herself that she is with Kohta because Takashi is not around, and thinks she’s a nice person. Sarcasm or not, don’t you dare tell yourself that you’re a nice person who ACTS LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A NICE PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After that big amount of rage that I have let out, we get to an even bigger hatred of mine in this show. Shizuka Marikawa.
Not only is this character painful to watch, not only is this a really dumb blonde in the most painful way possible to have another comic relief character, not only do I just find it stupid to hear the cartoonish sound effects when her boobs jiggle, not only do I just find it stupid to hear the cartoonish sound effects when her butt jiggles, but that they got Monica Rial to do the English voice for this character. Now, I’m not going to pretend that all of her roles in her career is cinematic gold, or that I liked everything that she has done, or that I ever enjoyed watching Bulma all the time in DBZ Kai. I know that she was in Casshern Sins, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and even Deadman Wonderland, so I at least know that she has done some good in her career. Shoot, even in interviews and Q&A panels, she does seem to be a really cool gal.
Did she just did this without reading the script or knowing what the character was like? Monica, if you are reading this, and I thank you for visiting my site, and I do respect you a lot. But I just do not like this role. I am so sorry to say that this is so far my least favorite role of yours.
Not only that, but I don’t think that her acting is her fault. Oh, who am I kidding? It isn’t. I know that the writing for the English dub is the one to blame. This series’ English dub is done by Sentai Filmworks, who has done some good stuff in the past, like Appleseed and the re-releases of Gatchaman and it’s movie, but then you got this. I have no idea who was responsible for writing the dialog in this dub, or the other shows that he/she did, so I won’t get into that. But I still have issues with this dub. They make references that makes no sense. In a later episode in the show, they make a Sarah Palin reference. One, I don’t think that most high school students in Japan know who Sarah Palin is or what she does. Two, the reference is so dated that I don’t think anyone will ever know what it means in the next 10-15 years. My point is to think about what you’re going to write in your show before doing it!
After Shizuka’s jugs tries to find a way how to help one of their patients as nurses and says a stupid line about how this day feels like a movie she saw from George Romeo (*HOLDING BACK ALL ANGER*), and talks as if she’s trying to get the right recipes from a market for a meal that she’s trying to make for a Christmas feast, the most tolerable character comes into the scene. Saeko Bushujima.
Even though she’s still designed so wrongfully sexual from an artist who might as well be this generation’s new Masami Obari, she’s not as dumb, annoying, or even mean spirited as the other girls in this show. Because of this, Saeko doesn’t bother me as much. She has respect for those who either are not too bad, like the one who she kills because he was bit, or even those who are just downright terrible. Her first scene in this episode had a guy who was about to turn into a zombie, and she said that his defense for Shizuka was courageous and that she would give him a less painful death, even though she has never killed anyone before. She is honorable, strong, and very dependable. Just don’t get her near zombie kids. That’s kind of her weakness. But overall, I can see why people like her character a lot.
Saya tells Kohta to make use with a nail gun because he’s a gun expert and says it would be like in that Mel Gibson movie. Okay, if this English dub had no issue to say Mel Gibson, then why did they have Shizuka not say George Romero earlier? Whatever. This show is just too stupid to care. He crafts a sight for the nail to get a better aim with the tool, and then jumps back at Takashi and Rei getting out by using a fire hose.
Saya finds out that sound works on the zombies, but this theory doesn’t work for me. She finds out by wetting a towel and throwing it on the zombie first.
But when she throws another against the lockers, it creates a sound, and the zombie follows where the sound is coming from.
But if the zombie got hit with the towel, he would of tried to reach out for that. Talk about selective hearing. Yes, I do know that Saya said that they don’t react when someone touches them, but that still made a sound. So not even the explanation from the “genius” made sense. What did I just say earlier? That she’s the smartest character in this show? She was for that one moment. I guess her intellect decided to get away from her for being annoying crab. Oh, and Saya calls Kohta fat. After all, she is nice, and it makes sense to me. Kim Jong Il was a fluffy bunny, and Mister Rogers was the devil.
So Saeko and Shizuka still tries to make it for their mistake, Shizuka still being the stupid blonde, tripping over floor mats, and then they hear the nail gun shots and finds both Saya and Kohta. Saya whines and screams at the zombie approaching behind her. By the way, for someone who says that the zombies are attracted to sound, you really suck at staying quiet. She grabs a drill that she got with the nail gun, drills into the zombies head and kills him.
Her act of terror brings all of our characters together, she still boasts about how she’s smarter than everyone else, and she is dramatized about what just happened.
The episode ends with the gang watching a news report, but puts the angle on more fan service from Rei’s undies, and after the news reporter says that there are outbreaks, Takashi is amazed that there are outbreaks. Really? That shot from earlier didn’t bring that to your mind?
Then the cops in the background shoots the zombies, they become outmatch for no good or logical reason, the news reporter dies and didn’t try to run away, and then the end.
I’m not going to give anymore scores on my website. I just care to do that anymore. I will sum up everything in my mind by saying that this episode was just awful. The characters are just not getting any better, it still makes no sense, and the tone of this show is too serious to say that its not suppose to take anything serious. The only characters who are written out to not be taken seriously are both Shizuka and Kohta, but even they’re not all that good. Yes, even Kohta doesn’t appeal to me that much, just in case if you were wondering what I thought about him. He’s just the fat, nerdy stereotype that I thought that this world was already over with. I have 10 more episodes to go, and it will not get any better for me. I just know it, okay?
Now, I know my standards on how I discuss this show have been both positive and negative, but I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to get some closure out of it. For all I know, I just got over 100 views, which is a really good start for me in my first year of Some Review Site! I just want to say to you all that I am very thankful for all of you who do come and read some of my reviews. However, even though I get some of my writing influences from a few people on That Guy With the Glasses site, as well as SF Debris, I try not to fully become a clone of those guys. Yes, they are negative with so many of their reviews, but the thing you need to remember is that what they are doing is a shtick that they are good at doing, which is pointing out the badness of their material that they are reviewing. Not only that, but bringing up what doesn’t work in a show/movie/video game just doesn’t work when you don’t act all angry and judgmental. From there, you can come up with any joke that can make fun of the bad and stupidity that you see in front of your eyes. That’s what makes someone like the NC and the AVGN funny. As much as those people have that kind of side to stick with, I try to be neutral of both.
Season 8 of Doctor Who (season 32, IF you want to be technical), is kind of the same thing. It’s both good and not good. Not good, because this season could have been a whole lot worse. This season introduced to the world the new 12th Doctor, Peter Capaldi, the return of the clockwork robots from The Girl in the Fireplace, and the newest incarnation of the Master. It ran from August 23 of this year to November 8, with 12 episodes. I already wrote about my first thoughts about the 12th Doctor, but I can officially say that he might be my new favorite Doctor. He is charismatic, eccentric, energenic for his age to the point he can carry the show by himself, and has a great balance of how comedic and serious he should be. He acts as if he was always the Doctor from when the show began, as if he found every flaw and strong point of the character, learned from them, and became this great mold of the Doctor. As much as I mentioned how much I love David Tennant, and as much as I love Patrick Troughton, I believe Capaldi should take the throne as my favorite. I’ll give him some more time for me to confirm that.
Capaldi’s first episode starts off in Deep Breath, which turns out to be okay. The TARDIS lands in Victoria London, teaming up with Vastra, Jenny and Strax. I don’t like Vastra, I don’t like Jenny, but Strax on the other hand…. I like Strax. Yes, I can understand why some people don’t like him, but he can still give a smile on my face. It contains the clockwork robots from Girl in the Fireplace as the main monsters, and a T-Rex in a size that doesn’t make any sense. Plus, you do get to see the Doctor dressing up as a hobo, trying to figure out why he has a Scottish accent (even though he already had one as 7), being more aggressive as 6, and killing a half-man, half-robot in the end. Again, this episode is okay. There are some unnecessary things in it, the story was nothing to write home about, and both Jenny and Vastra are still intolerable for me. However, there are enough for me to give it as, well, watchable. This season has three categories: good, bad, and okay.
This one was good. It was written by both Steven Moffat and returning writer of The Waters of Mars, Phil Ford. This episode revisits (I’m saying this, because it has been attempted before in Evil of the Daleks and Dalek) on the idea on what if a Dalek can be good. It features the Doctor rescuing a soldier, Journey Blue, who leads him into the military station that is in an asteroid. She asked the Doctor for their assistance to help the Dalek because their last doctor died. The Doctor, for some reason, brings Clara with him inside of the Dalek. I say some reason, because I think this episode can do fine without her. They go inside, because they believe that this Dalek is good enough to be healed, and they have to heal it from the inside. I’m not going to give away what happens in the end of the episode, but I will say that the way how the Doctor tries to make the Dalek become good was just great to me. However, the end to what the Doctor did with Journey kind of upset me. If you haven’t seen the episode, then you will understand why. If you have seen it, then you might understand what I mean.
This episode was written by long time writer of the show, Mark Gatiss. In this episode, the Doctor takes Clare to wherever she wants to go in the past, and she chooses to meet Robin Hood. The Doctor denies the existence of Robin Hood and his merry men, just because he doesn’t believe he ever existed. The Doctor actually succeeds into doing so, revealing the movies and stories that are based off of him. Newsflash Gatiss, Robin Hood did exist:
The only reason for why we THINK he didn’t exist is through the many different interpretations of Robin Hood. This can pretty much be compared with the popularity of Black Beard of how Hollywood made him look like he was just a character out of fantasy. The main monsters in this episode are the robots who have such a great design that it is probably the best thing about this episode, outside of the moments that both the Doctor and Robin Hood had.
I know that I’m making this episode sound decent, but it really turns out to be forgettable. The robots are trying to harvest enough gold to power up their ship. Yeah, I don’t think you this, but this isn’t Minecraft, where gold can help as an acceptable conductor. I’m sure that copper could work much better. Just saying. Plus, the villain in this episode is also forgettable too, and I don’t recommend this to anyone. However, it is harmless. The next one is not.
This episode explores the concept of what if when we’re speaking to ourselves, we’re not really speaking to ourselves? What if somewhere in our lives, we are actually communicating with someone or something? This concept is so great, that it should work! But no. That idea alone was tossed away after the first third of the episode was over. It wasn’t even handled very well either. This episode features more of a character I should of mentioned on my paragraph of Into the Dalek, Danny Pink.
I’m not alone whenever I say that he holds no interest for me to care for him, which is why I forgot to mention him earlier. You explore his past as a child, which did not work for me, mainly because Clara was the one who encouraged him to become a soldier and change his name from Rupert to Danny. The monster in this one was a massive letdown for me, and was ignored after it was “introduced”.
I put that in quotes, just because we didn’t get to see it (which I’m okay with), but we know nothing about it, other than it just stands there under the bed sheets by doing nothing, and goes away by the victim not looking at it. Not gonna lie, that’s pretty stupid. The other moments with Clara and Pink in their date was uncomfortable, and seeing Danny’s future descendant wasn’t needed. That could have been anyone else, if you ask me. Plus, the ending was pretty unnecessary too. I’m not going to say, but if you do see it, you will understand what I mean. That, and I am going to review Listen with an iron fist and crush the hearts of those who for some reason love this episode. They love it more than the episode that came after.
Time Heist is more of my cup of tea. This episode was another Steven Moffat episode, but with the help of Steve Thompson. Steve Thompson has been a writer for the show with nothing, but disappointments, such as Curse of the Black Spot and Journey to the Center of the TARDIS. It took him 3 seasons, and he has finally made a good episode. Just not by himself. The plot of this is very simple to understand. A mysterious silhouette of a man gathered Clara, the Doctor, and two other people to join forces to be part of a bank heist that later on becomes into a time heist. The other two are Psi, a humanoid, and Saibra, a shape shifting mutant. One of the biggest complaints about this episode is that Psi and Saibra don’t have that much of a character to them. What do I think about that? Personally, I don’t care at all. They’re not going to be seen again, nor do I see any reason for them to return. Another complaint is that this episode is a rip-off of Ocean’s 11. Never seen either version (but I might one day for this site), so I can’t comment on that. The other is that this bank is on a planet that is near a sun that causes solar flares from time to time, causing all running electricity, and…….yeah. That is very stupid. It is suppose to be the biggest and secured bank in the universe, and they built it there. The main monster in this is the teller, which is a monster that is very terrifying.
Basically, it kills anyone by killing your brain. The only way how you can get away from it is by not thinking. Just thinking about that alone is a really horrifying thing to fight against. I even dare say its more scary than the Weeping Angels.
The villain in this episode is not half bad. She has a good secret that I won’t reveal, and I won’t reveal the ending either. Check it out for yourself.
This is another one that I thought was okay for me. The Doctor takes on the role of a caretaker (janitor, for those of you who live in the US) in the same school that his granddaughter use to go to, Coal Hill, and tries to find a robot that is capable of destroying Earth in a single explosion. This does make me wonder if the robot has either a force field, teleportation, or if it’s a suicide bomber. Whatever, its a robot.
Now, I would say that this design is great, but the bottom half just makes this robot look so stupid, to me, that is.
The Doctor reveals that he is disgusted at Danny Pink going from a soldier to being a teacher. Some people think this is a reference to Mawdryn Unead, where when the Doctor first meets the Brigadier in 1982, displeased that he is retired from his duty. This all could of worked just fine for me, and I do accept it. I thought that whole bit was well thought out. IF I did not know that the first montage of the episode is where the Doctor briefly mentions that he hates soldiers. As much as I so far love Peter Capaldi as the Doctor, this really rubs me the wrong way. Doctors 2-5, 7 were great friends with the Brigadier, the 9th Doctor gained some help from UNIT to fight off some stupid snot farting alien race, and both the 10th and 11th Doctor called the Ice Warriors a proud, warrior race. But beyond that, its still hard to care for Danny, as we still don’t know enough to be invested in his character, and as for Courtney, I don’t think she’s a bad character in this one. She didn’t bother me as much as she did for other people. I didn’t care for her on the moon, though. And speaking of which,
Kill the Moon should sound like a great episode. This title alone should make this episode to be great! But no. This episode is just bad and uninteresting. It has space spiders that doesn’t do anything for the story, a space team of three that only two of them are there as red shirts, an astronaut who works for NASA who DOES NOT HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT, and Courtney, just to build up the fact that she will become a US president around 2048. Plus, it is revealed that the moon is an egg, and they almost killed it with nuclear bombs, putting in an abortion issue in the UK, where there is no debate on the subject whatsoever. Most of this was kind of boring, the subject of abortion didn’t need to be there, and Courtney was useless. This episode also contains a moment where the Doctor leaves Clara, Courtney, and the non-American astronaut on the moon to die, and then leads the Doctor to show them all a corn-ball resolution at the end. That made Clara so mad, that she gives probably her best performance in this show, revealing that she never wants to travel with him ever again. But then she appears in the next episode.
Before I get into how great this episode is, I just want to clear out of the way that Clara in this one ruins the only good moment in Kill the Moon. I don’t blame the writer for this episode, though. I can accept that he saw how Kill the Moon ended, and thought that he had no choice, but to add in an explanation as to why she was still in this. Outside of that, this episode was great! The mummy on this episode picks people to kill in 66 seconds, but I won’t tell you how, which will result in me spoiling the twist to this episode. Nobody else, but the selected one is able to see it. Not only that, but this mummy loogs great.
The performances in this episode are great, especially for John Sessions as Gus, the AI of the Orient Express. Well, we can only assume that it was an AI doing the voice. We never get to see if there is a man speaking or not. The song in the beginning of this episode is a jazz version of “Don’t Stop Me Now”, being sung by Foxes.
I personally would have thought it could have been better if she was singing this:
But that’s just me.
Both this and mummy are both written by Jamie Mathieson. So far, this guy is on a role, because this episode is just as great, if not, better than the last. In this episode, the aliens in this episode have taken the dimensions of the TARDIS to shrink the exterior.
This idea was kind of done in the opposite way in The Time Meddler, where the Doctor messed with a timelord’s TARDIS by making the interior as small as it is on the outside.
Clara plays as the role of the Doctor for an episode to investigate where the missing people gone off to, only to figure out that the aliens are hiding in the walls in the second dimension. They suck up people and turn them into paintings, just so they can try to replicate a 3-D body. This idea is so good, that Mathieson is on a role to being a returning writer for this show. A lot of people sees this as the closest to Classic Who, and I can see it. This is definitely a must see and I’m really looking forward to seeing more from Jamie Mathieson.
This episode starts with a girl entering into the TARDIS, somehow knowing who the Doctor is, telling him that a forest has overcome the world, even the ocean waters too, and somehow have the whole population of London disappear.
This girl went out and about on her own from Clara and Danny’s class field trip, making these two the worst school teachers of Coal Hill. This makes Susan feel greatful that the show never started at this time and hour. Anyway, the whole episode revolves around the girl being lost, Clara and Danny’s students being either boring or aggressive in some scenes, and making you wonder how a tiger got loose from the London Zoo. It is later on found out that the little girl was chosen to be possessed by an alien being that says that it is trying to save the world from a solar flare, while the many governments of the world are trying to get rid of them all. I could question as to why they couldn’t take over an adult to warn people about this, but this episode was already stupid right when it started. And to further prove that, they believed and accepted this from a girl, which is hard for me to believe that they did as they were told within a second. This episode has a huge reputation right now for being absolutely horrid, and rightly so. The people who think that are not wrong.
Dark Water is the first two part episode since the one with the dopplegangers. This is half-good and half-bad. First of all, the good parts. But beware:
Danny dies in the start of this episode (this is not the good part), and Clara tries to take all of the spare TARDIS keys to threaten the Doctor in a volcano, I think that’s what that place is. I could have been Mount Doom.
She throws all of the TARDIS keys in the lava until she gets her way by having him save Danny from his death. However, it was revealed that the Doctor tricked Clara by making her pass out before she did it to the Doctor. I’m glad that scene was all a dream, or I would of continued to complain why the Doctor couldn’t just snap his finger to open the TARDIS, or try to get the spare key on top of the TARDIS.
Plus, I love how the Matrix returned back into the show. I even love how the dark water worked too, which only reveals organic matter. Even though it shows the stone chairs in the tombs.
Chris Addison plays as Seb in this one, who is kind of a guide or a mentor in the Matrix for those who recently died. His role is great, and I wanted to see more of him.
Now, what’s bad about this episode? Well, everything else. I already knew that the Cybermen were going to be in this episode, only because the commercial for this episode pulled a Bad Wolf, revealing who the monsters are going to be.
Plus, I don’t like Missy all that much either.
Her incarnation is leaning towards the John Simms, who even my brother agrees with me when he said that his Master made the Doctor looked stupid. He was a clown, couldn’t take the role seriously, and he is pretty much, not a step down from the YANA Master (my personal favorite, by the way), but a huge drop in a bottomless pit away from the YANA Master. However, I’m glad that she is not as equally bad as John Simms. She’s the closest to him, though.
The only reason for why I’m mentioning her until now is because I did not care for her from the very start. I knew nothing about her to care, even for the total of 1:36 of her camera time (yes, I timed all of her on screen moments). Not only that, but there was never any reason for this whole season to build up her character or for this two parter either. If you get rid of all of her scenes or anything about the Promise Land (the Matrix), then you wouldn’t miss a thing. Not only that, but I already knew that Missy was the Master all along. Missy is short for Mistress, which is a feminine pronoun for Master. She’s dressed upperclass, because the timelords are all upperclass. I will admit that is a one-up for her incarnation compared to John Simms. Not only that, but Sylvestor McCoy already mentioned that the Master was going to be in this episode too.
As for the Master regenerating into a woman, this is nothing new. After Sylvestor McCoy announced that he was going to leave the show, one of the ideas for a replacement was to regenerate the Doctor into a woman before they were going to stick with Richard Griffiths, IF the show never got cancelled. In 1998, Steven Moffat wrote the comic relief special Curse of Fatal Death, where he wrote that the regenerated so many times until he became a woman, played by Joanna Lumley. This was probably the start of Moffat wanting this idea to happen, you can tell that he is nuts about this idea. He even tried to cast Catherine Zeta Jones as the 11th Doctor, which could have finally made the Nostalgia Critic watch the show.
Since that didn’t work, he even tried to cast Lara Pulver as 12. However, this was most of the audience’s reaction:
Since no one wanted that, I can only assume that he applied that idea on the Master.
The other thing that I should add about this before I forget is the controversial 3 words in this episode. “Don’t cremate me!” I’m not going to go into full detail about this moment, mainly because this has been complained to death about how offended some people were by this line. I’m with the majority who thought this was inappropriate and tasteless, even for a show that had the Doctor doing this:
If you want to fully understand why this moment was controversial to many, I suggest that you watch MrTARDISreview’s video about this scene. He has posted more about this topic than necessary on his Facebook page without any choice, and I feel very sorry for him to do this.
There was no suspense to be found in this episode. If there is only one word that can best describe Dark Water, it would be predictable.
This…….was a mess. UNIT takes both the Master and the Doctor away, and puts the Master into custody. The Master unleashes a black fart cloud all over the world that only rains over the graves and corpses. The reason for this is that when it rains on the dead, it works like Cybermen pollen, turning the corpses into Cybermen,
Are they trying to tell me that the Cybermen’s armor is now organic too? And for that matter, why just dead people? Why not rain on those who are alive? You could of conquered the entire Earth that way. And after they were assimilated, the Cybermen wandered around like zombies for some reason. You could say that they needed a human mind to take control of the Cybermen, but they never had this problem in the past. In The Pandorica Opens, a human skull fell right out of the Cyberman’s head, and it was functioning. That alone proves that they don’t act like wandering zombies with dead bodies. I’m only using a recent episode with the Cybermen, only because I assume that there are more New Who fans reading this who are not familiar with with Old Who yet.
Missy still acts a little bit stupid in this one, and there is a scene where she does this:
Danny was assimilated as a Cyberman (surprise, surprise), has control over his mind and body (somehow), and saves the day. How? Missy was giving the Doctor the chance to lead the Cybermen as his own army, and he does. Just to give it to Danny to lead them all to blow up in a fiery death to incinerate the black fart cloud. Missy, what did you think was going to happen?! Anyway, Missy either gets beamed out, or she gets killed by a Cyberman. You wanna know who this Cyberman is? Are you sure? It’s the Brigadier! No really, it’s him. That, to me, is both insulting and shameless, not just to the character, but also to Nicholas Courtney. That man was a legend to the show, and this is how you try to bring the Brigadier back Steven Moffat? No! I’m not buying it! This is something that I know Russell T. Davies would never do. At least he brought him back in the Sarah Jane Adventures.
Clara decides to leave the show, meaning that the Doctor will get a new companion.
Season 8 was half-good and half-bad. Fortunately, there were a little more good and alright episodes than bad. Peter Capaldi is so far a fantastic Doctor! This man alone can handle any situation on his own, proving what the rest of the incarnations didn’t have since Jon Pertwee, who was also well capable enough to do the same. As for a new companion, I prefer an 80s punk rocker with a mowhawk, or a metal head to join with the Doctor. Not only that, but it should be an alien too.
I’m going to conclude my rerunagade Halloween month with a Simpsons episode, for two reasons:
I had to watch something that can relieve me from the horrible High School of the Dead.
I wanted to review a Simpsons episode for Rerunagade Reviews.
I can go into detail into what I think about The Simpsons of today on whether or not if the show is terrible enough that it should of left years ago. I will choose not to, only because I’m going to save that topic for some other time. My main point for today’s review is only going to be on this episode, Treehouse of Horror II. This episode is not my favorite Treehouse of Horror episode, and I will save that for some other time.
We begin with Marge warning about how graphic and violent this Treehouse of Horror episode (which it isn’t, by the way), and gives up, since she knows that nobody will accept or listen to her this time, just like before. They did this up until season 7, right up until it got redundant to the point that nobody would ever listen to them. Then we cut into our intro!
Yeah, this is at a time where the writers and show runners were trying to find out how they’re going to do their Treehouse of Horror episodes. That, and the horror credits that they came up with, as well as the comedic tombstones in the graveyard scenes were easy at first for the writers, until they ran out of new ideas for names and jokes for them both. Kind of like how the show has turned out to be nowadays.
We get to see Homer being threaten by Jimbo and Kerny over for candy and getting his house egged afterwards, and then Bart and Lisa comes back home w candy. Homer joins in with kids eating candy, and Marge tells them that they were going to get nightmares for eating so much of it. I bought this as a kid, and now I’m trying to figure out how that works. Anyway, they all go to bed and start having their own nightmares
Okay, whenever I’m going to do a review of each and every Treehouse of Horror episode, I will split them into their very own topics. But don’t worry, they won’t be split into their own posts. In case if you don’t fully understand what I’m talking about, just read along with what I’m going to do.
The first story is Lisa’s, where the Simpsons are in a market place in Morocco, where Homer buys a monkey’s paw from a creepy seller, with a huge eye sticking out of his left eye socket.
After their tour around Morocco, they go back home on an airplane, until Homer is stopped by the airport security for stealing, and then pays $2.
According to the show runner, Mike Greece, this was a reference to Midnight Express. Yes, I know what that movie is and the significance of this scene and that movie, but I don’t why it’s in this episode. But you know what, this episode has a ton of movie references coming up. The one we’re looking at most of this story is a parody to Monkey’s Paw.
Bart and Lisa argue about wishing with the monkey’s paw for either being rich and famous, or world peace. I’ll lead you to figure out who wants what. Maggie makes her first wish, and we get to see a high class, fancy-shmancy car drive up, only to give her a high class, fancy-shmancy pacifier. And then the car drives away. The second wish was rich and fame that Bart wishes, and everyone feels great about it. Even for Lisa, who was against it.
What’s funny about the monkey’s paw is that they tried to get the fingers come down until the middle finger is the only one up. They even tried to ask Fox if they can do it by censoring it, but it couldn’t happen. That was until the Simpsons Movie. There were other moments in the show that they wanted to get away with things that could be censored, but I don’t think it was possible during this time. Which is funny to me, because The Animaniacs was able to get away with a lot of stuff in the past.
So, with the family being rich and famous, they go out in fancy restaurants, get record deals, which they now have an album on the Simpson’s Christmas Boggie,
being on T-shirts, on billboards about Mammograms, and everyone really hates it! This whole montage was suppose to be a self-satire of how The Simpsons started to get into the mainstream culture, with two albums that came out at the time, T-shirts, Bart Simpson dolls, and a billboard that Fox had with Bart saying whatever catchphrase that goes with their slogan. Each and everyday! I have no idea how they were able to keep that up.
The Simpsons starts to not like this at all, and Lisa finally wishes for world peace. This means that the whole world finally get along with each other, getting rid of weapons from all over the world, which leads to both Kotos and Kang to invade the world. This episode made Fox wonder if bringing in Kotos and Kang for this episode was going to be a Halloween tradition, since they were also in the last Treehouse of Horror. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. Now that Kotos and Kang have turned everyone into slaves, Homer thinks about the best, bullet-proof idea he can come up with. A turkey sandwich! He thinks that the turkey is a little dry, and he tries to get rid of the monkey’s paw. Lousy Flanders sees Homer throwing the monkey’s paw, but then receives it, with Homer thinking that he will get crapped upon. But Ned wishes for a way to get rid of the aliens, and it works! ……with Moe using a nail on a board.
So, the day is saved, Flanders gets praised by many, and the end for this part.
Bart’s nightmare begins as a parody from the Twilight Zone movie, which is based off of a Twilight Zone episode, which might be a future review of mine, where everyone should think of happy thoughts, or they will be cursed and something bad will happen to them. Bart is living the life, where nobody should say anything negative about him, having the life of a god. In other words, he’s Kim Jong Un. And now, for the only joke that was not censored by Fox in this episode:
The only one who rebels against Bart is Homer, and he gets turnedinto a Jack-in-a-box.
Marge takes both Homer and Bart to a shrink by none other than Dr. Marvin Monroe, a character that the show killed off because the guy who did his voice wasn’t able to do it anymore for being too hard, but then came back for a cameo about a decade later. Monroe says that this all because Bart and Homer couldn’t get along, and says that they should both have some quality time together. This later on turned the relationship between the two as from less hating and strangling to, well, being almost like buddies. Doing this, for me, kind of sucks the fun and humor out of the characters.
Through their quality time, we do get to see a montage of them going to a baseball game. fishing, going to church, shooting beer cans, riding on roller coasters, all for parodying an anti-smoking commercial with a knock-off song from the commercial. This resulted Bart to turning Homer back to normal, loving him, and that made him wake up in terror. This brought Bart and Lisa to Marge and Homer’s bed out of how frighten they were, and think that sleeping with them would make things better.
Before I go any further, these wrap around scenes that you see before each segment begins were a thing for these specials. The reason for why you don’t see them anymore is because they didn’t have the time to do it with the commercials. I do wish we can see them again someday.
The third and last segment of this episode is Homer’s nightmare, where Mr. Burns is getting so sick of seeing Homer sleeping on the job. His only decision is to fire him, and he did just that. As for a replacement for the safety inspector, Mr. Burns takes Smithers into his laboratory, showing off his robot. However, the robot is only missing one thing to make it work. A human brain! So this means that both Burns and Smithers go Frankenstein on Homer, who is now working as a grave digger, sleeping on the job. Burns takes Homer into his lab, puts his brain into the robot, and then……the robot goes after the donuts. …….and he goes back to sleep.
Mr. Burns is just sad that his creation as turned into a disappointment, and Smithers says that they should just put his brain back in Homer’s head. After doing that, Mr. Burns kicks the robot, and that made the robot fall and crush him but his head. Mr. Burns asks Smithers to get some things to help keep him alive, woke Homer up, and sees Mr. Burns’ head sown onto Homer’s body.
And then the episode ends with a next tine scene that never happened.
This is one of my favorite Treehouse of Horror episodes in the show. Even though most of them are shorter than the average length of the current segements of today, they still hold up as being funny to watch. I didn’t go into too much detail with the last segment, but that was only because its the best, and I want you to watch it yourself. Believe me, if you haven’t watched this yet (I really wonder why), you won’t be disappointed. Believe me, these segments are more horror related than the recent Treehouse of Horror episodes have become.
That’s it for Rerunagade’s Halloween! See what I did there? I came up with a very generic title for this month. Man, I Am so lazy on this.